condemned ; kylo ren

ten ; unstable

I've taken 3 showers today. My skin is wrinkly and my hair is damp; I don't care.

Showers are my way of dealing with pain.

I've not only lost my sister; now, my best friend.

Unlike the loss of my family and other friends I'd made in the Resistance, I couldn't tuck Poe away in a little box. I couldn't stop thinking of all the wrongs I'd done him, and all of the pain I'd caused him.

The worst part of it all, the part I couldn't get out of my head, was that I knew, deep down in my heart, that I don't love him the way he loves me... I could never love him the way he loves me.

I jump at the sound of a knock at the door.

"Come in." I call with a scratchy voice.

I hear the door unlock and a storm trooper parades in, carrying a tray.

"Lord Ren's dinner request." He announces. I shrug.

"He isn't here.. but I'll take it." I reach out. The trooper thinks nothing of it, handing me the tray. I begin to dig into the food as he walks out, when I notice something.

He didn't lock the door behind him; it's opened just a crack.

I set down my fork, staring at the doorway.

You shouldn't do it. A voice whispers in my head.

I still don't listen.

I stand, leaving the steaming meal on the bed. I pull on Kylo's sweater over my sports bra and slip on shoes. I tip toe towards the door as if people can hear me doing exactly what I'm not supposed to do.

I slowly stick my head out, unsure of what to expect. It looks the same as the few times as I'd been let out.. maybe I'll wander some and come back before 4, when Kylo usually returns.

I blow my runny nose (from crying) before sneaking right into the hallway, closing the door as quietly as possible.

I'm not sure where I'm going or what to look for, but I already feel a little bit better.

I awkwardly pad past troopers, guards, and workers, trying not to make eye contact. Hopefully none of them would force me back into my room.

That's when I hear a loud crash.

Curious, I approach the yelling. Something tells me that I shouldn't follow up on crashes and screams when I'm at the home of the galaxy's most evil beings, but I do anyway. What else would I do?

All I seem to be able to do is get myself into trouble.

But how else do you have any fun?

I realize that I'm close enough to make out their words, and I cling to the wall to hide.

"You know I can take whatever I want." Chills run down my back as I realize that it's Kylo that I'm hearing. There's another person in the room; I can tell from the heavy, panicked breaths.

What follows are several harsh words, grunts, and strangled screams. I'd finally identified the other person in the room to be a woman; a scavenger. This is an interrogation. Kylo would be pissed if he found out that I heard what they were saying.

"You think of Han Solo as a second father. Well, you would've been disappointed."

What was that supposed to mean? Why is he talking about Han Solo?

I stop listening, thinking of what he said, until I'm startled back into the conversation.

"YOU'RE AFRAID THAT YOU'LL NEVER BE AS STRONG AS DARTH VADER."

I hear someone stumble. Before I know it, footsteps are echoing down the passageway, and Kylo is standing in front of me. He holding his mask in one hand and holding his stomach with the other, as if he's been wounded.

"Mali?" He growls, and I instantly shrink. I knew I shouldn't have done this.

"I-"

"Go back to my room, NOW!" He screams. I flinch at his anger; something in his eyes has changed. He almost looks... unstable.

Mentally unstable.

Tears fill my eyes and I begin to run, too scared to look back.

As soon as I make it back to his room I tear his sweater off. I stumble into the bathroom and rip away my clothes, breathing heavily as I turn the shower on for the 4th time today.

This time's different.

Instead of obsessively washing myself, I simply slide down to the floor and hold my knees to my chest; I let my tears slip down my face and I don't hold back my sobs. I let the hot water pour over me like rain.

-

weird place to end I know

i loved seeing your comments from last chapter! y'all are s'cute

feel free to comment here too:-)

I'll try to have the update tomorrow night!

it's getting exciting:-)

ok

ily

kait