dear ethan | ✓

the fourth letter

❁ ❁ ❁

dear ethan,

happy 18th birthday, best friend. i'm sorry you're not awake to see it, but just know that everyone misses you & wishes you were here. don't worry, though. i'll make sure your 21st is extra special, okay?

hopefully you'll be awake in time to have your birthday present from me; i'm sure you wouldn't want to miss seeing twenty one pilots in concert, right? maybe if you can hear me, i should tell you right now that i got you the tickets for your birthday. would that wake you up? :)

people have been leaving cards & flowers for you by your locker; they're acting as if you're dead and it's taking a hell of a lot of willpower not to slap them all repeatedly.

prove them wrong, ethan. wake up and prove all those idiots that you can do it.

i know you can.

oh, and one other thing - if you even think about taking melissa to the concert i will decapitate you. clear? :)

i swear to god if one more person tells me how sorry they are i think we will have a funeral to attend, to be completely honest. i'm so fricking close to just tearing someone apart limb by limb.

wow - your absence has really made my violent side come out more, huh. well, if you don't want to wake up and see your best friend of 16 years for the first time behind bars, i would wake up pretty soonish.

it's weird, really. you being gone hasn't even completely sunk in, and it's been weeks. i still wake up thinking of going round your house for your mom's killer pancakes every morning, and then all the memories of the accident come rushing back and all i can see is the headlights coming towards us and -

i just breakdown.

but then i tell myself that you're just having a really long nap, as lame as that sounds, and somehow it makes me feel better. and even though i'm sitting here next to your unconscious body, looking at all the tubes sticking in and out of you, i can still manage to pretend that you're okay.

i'm not giving up, so you better not. i'm still waiting.

happy birthday, ethan. i'll enjoy eating all your birthday cake; you can kill me when you wake up. ;)

love from your best friend,

chloe. xx