dear ethan | ✓

the thirtieth letter

a/n - last letter in dear ethan :(((
there will be this & a last chapter thingy that's actually writing, not just a letter, to finish off; so look out for that!!

love,
elsie x

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dear ethan,

this is it, best friend.

they told me yesterday. if there are no further signs of improvement by this time next week, they're cutting you off. shutting off the machine that's been breathing for you the past couple of months.

if you don't show any signs of life in the next week, you're going to die, ethan.

and right now i hate you, i hate you so fucking much for not waking up - for god's sake ethan you can't leave it like this! i know i shouldn't, but i hate you for not doing this for me. for yourself.

for us.

is it that freaking hard to just wake up?!

if it would help in any way, i would do anything for you, ethan. anything to help you. i would walk to the ends of the earth, just to see you alive and healthy. i would starve myself for days, deprive myself of any contact, fall off the face of the earth.

i would die for you, ethan.

i know you can't read these letters, any of them.

i know that writing all of these over the past couple of months has been a waste of time, apart from helping me to keep my sanity.

i know you might not wake up.

i know all of this, and i know you can't even hear us, ethan.

because if you could hear us, you would've heard me talking to you.

you would've heard me telling you that i'm sick of waiting around.

that i'm so drained without you here to keep me awake.

you would've heard that i've been killing myself worrying about you these past few months.

that i might not even graduate at this rate because i've been so busy trying not to cry every five seconds & i've spent half my time at this godforsaken hospital with you that my grades have dropped way too low.

that i am so fucking done with this; that i am tearing my hair out at night when i can't sleep because you're not there to help me; that i haven't spoken to anyone at school for a month because they all remind me of you.

if you could hear me, ethan, you would've heard me telling you all of that.

you would've heard me telling you that i'm in love with you.

i'm done waiting for you.

love from your best friend,

chloe. xx

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