dear ethan | ✓

the nineteenth letter

a/n - I AM SO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING PLEASE FORGIVE ME LIL BEAUTIFUL HUMAN BEANS.

anyways so from now on i'm going to dedicate each chapter to someone who's been supporting dear ethan & voting etc bc whenever i see the notifications it literally makes my day & makes me smile so much so thank you a lot, i love you all. there are a few people so just wait and i promise your chapter will come aha :)))

THIS ONE IS DEDICATED TO opticality THANK YOU FOR VOTING AND ADDING DEAR ETHAN TO YOUR READING LIST ILY & EVERYONE GO CHECK OUT HER BOOKS!!!!! <3

lots of love,
elsie x

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dear ethan,

okay, here goes, i guess.

this is me preparing. this is me getting ready for when i tell you if you wake up. this is just me preparing myself for the inevitable reality of having to explain to you how exactly you landed up in a coma for months. and i am so sorry, ethan.

i am so so sorry i let this happen to you. i'll never forgive myself. or go to a party ever again. 

so, we were at this party a few months ago round jamie's house, it was pretty lame but you forced me to go because the entire lacrosse team was going to be there and it was pretty much guaranteed that half the female population from school was also going to be attending. despite the fact that you had a girlfriend, you just kept telling me how "you can look at the menu, doesn't mean you have to order."

you are such a fuckboy, my friend.

anyways, so i was designated driver, like always, and you were getting absolutely piss drunk, like always.

as much as it's hilarious to see you get so drunk you can't remember what country we live in, you are a pain in the ass when you have the inability to carry your entire body weight, ethan.

okay, so melissa was there at that party too, surprise, surprise. in case you've forgotten, she never lets you go to a single party without her, she's like a fucking babysitter. she doesn't trust you, especially around me, for some reason.

so she was there are she was getting pretty smashed too, but of course no one was going to try and stop her or even suggest that maybe having 10 shots in the space of 2 minutes wasn't the most sensible plan in the world, because whenever anyone even tried to recommend that she should slow down a bit, she practically bit their head off.

so that was that.

at the end of the party, we went to my car to go home because you'd started incoherently mumbling high school musical lyrics and trying to jump on my back, saying that you were woody and i was your horsey. 

i will get you back for that, ethan, you little dick.

as i was trying to shove you in the passenger seat - and whilst you just pushed back convincing me that you needed to get back to the party to save the people of bikini bottom - i saw melissa trying to unlock her car, so of course i tried to stop her.

she was absolutely adamant that she hadn't drunk in the past couple of hours of the party, and that her and lewis from my english lit class had gone skinny dipping in the pool (told you she wasn't good for you, best friend) and that it'd sobered her up.

no matter how much i tried to get her to just let me drive her home - even though at this point i hated her guts even more for basically getting naked with a guy who wasn't you - she completely insisted on driving herself home, and even recited the alphabet backwards to prove she was okay.

i could still smell the alcohol on her breath.

eventually she shoved past me to her car door and slammed my fingers in it - the fucking idiot - in an attempt to get me to leave her alone, so after 15 minutes of fighting with the devil child, i just came back to my car to drive you home. 

i'm so sorry, ethan.

i am such a fuck up.

we should've just walked home, it was only 20 minutes, i could've held you up for that long - i could've picked my car up the next day and you would be okay. we would all be okay.

i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry.

i'm sorry, best friend.

from,

chloe. xx

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