Erica Black~Never Enough (1)

5

Erica's P O V

I go into the kitchen at lunch time only to find that, once again, there is no place for me at my fathers, at my table. Dad is next to Harry as always and he doesn't even notice when I enter the room to get a sparkly water drink that tastes like strawberries, an amazing muggle invention. I leave without bothering them for food, I haven't eaten lunch in weeks, or dinner, I don't really care though. I don't want food, I want dad, and I will do anything in the long run to get him. I go back to the drawing room and read for a little longer until I feel the presents of some people in front of me, I look up to find dad and Harry in front of me with Remus standing just outside the door. Dad is about to say something to me. I'm exited and happy but scared and worried at the same time, butterflies start to collect in my stomach and my breath catches in my throat, until he speaks,

"leave, Harry and I have things to discuss."

I walk out the room with my head hanging, and tears streaming down my face, I walk to my room or I suppose it's more Hermione and Ginny's room now, dad told them to stay in here whilst I was at Diagon alley so they share my bed and I now sleep in my arm chair in the corner. it's cold and uncomfortable but it keeps dad happy so I don't complain, luckily, neither of the other girls are in here so I walk to the bathroom quickly with my velvet pouch now in my hand, I lock the door and sit on the edge of the bath. slowly, I pry the blood red pouch open and take out the shiny metal object inside. there is a sudden loud knock on the door making me jump, I quickly drag the sharp new blade across my fore arm five times and rinse both the metal and my arm under the hot tap and leaving the bathroom quickly after shoving the pouch into my pocket with the blade inside. I walk out the room with my head down, examining the familiar floor boards of the landing, I so nearly make it to the drawing room when someone catches me by my arm causing me to wince, I turn slowly to meet the eyes of Remus, I relax slightly, at least it is somebody I actually know.
"what were you doing in there"
"n-nothing Mr Lup-pin..."
"really!?"
"yes?"
"okay then. I have a question to ask you, a few questions actually."
"okay..."
"why don't you sit with everyone at meals?"
"oh, um... wait, you noticed!?"
"of course I did! I'm only sorry it took me so long Erica!"
"don't worry about it. "
"okay, wait! you never answered my question! "
"oh yer, there's no chair for me anymore..."
"why didn't you tell your father?"
"oh um, he, he told me to g-go away..."
"what, why!?!"
"h-he was waiting for Harry..."
"when was this?"
"just before I spoke to you in the attic, sir."
"okay dear but, are you alright?"
"yes, why do you ask Mr Lupin?"
"well you look a little ill, you've lost weight and your skin is paler..."
"no, I'm quite alright thank you Sir!"

he nodded and left, to tell the truth, I was more than alright, I was ecstatic! if Remus noticed how ill I look and I notice how ill I look, which I definitely did, then maybe dad would notice, maybe? not likely. but if others noticed then there is always hope that my dad could see too, if he looked...

no matter how positive I try to think, there is always a little voice at the back of my head  telling me how hopeless it is and how dad will never see me, that I shouldn't even try, the only time it encourages me is when I'm doing something that hurts, like not eating for days or slitting my wrists...

it always hurt constantly, if not physically then mentally. sometimes I find myself starting to wonder if getting dads attention is really worth all this...