The Magnetic: Loving The Torturer

Chapter 35

Chapter 35: Could have beens

Here is the guy who has hurt me a lot of times, leaning against his expensive pick up, hands inside his pocket, looking as perfect as ever. I hate seeing him this way: so calm and collected while I'm a bag of freakin' nerves! It makes me painfully aware of the nagging truth: He is over me and I'm not.

Where the hell is the justice in that?!

I breathed out harshly and crossed my arms, trying to pretend that his presence doesn't affect me at all. 

"What are you doing here? Oh wait. Lemme guess, is it because I humiliated your girlfriend?" I scoff and shake my head. "If so, then just leave because I won't ever apologize to her! I don't regret it. Not even a damn bit! She de-"

"I don't know."

My forehead creased. "You don't know what?"

"I don't know why I'm here." He said with a shrug. "I was driving... then I've just found myself in front of your house."

I'm stumped. I don't know what to say. I look away as a lump starts to form in my throat. I let silence fill us. Then I took a deep breath and blinked back my tears.

There are hundred of things I wanna tell him. I wanna curse him, call him awful names for cheating on me. For taking granted of the fact that I gave my whole heart to him but he just broke it ruthlessly.

Pero sa lahat ng iyon, isang bagay lang ang nangibabaw sa utak ko.

"Why did you cheat on me?" I asked in a small voice. "Am I not enough? Or did I do something? I thought we were okay."

He looks straight into my eyes and stared at me for a while before he opened his mouth to answer the questions that have been bugging me. "Any man will be so lucky to have you. And don't ever blame yourself."

"Then why?" I asked above whisper. 

I gotta ask this. I gotta know why he cheated on me. I gotta know why he stopped caring for me. I just gotta know...

He breathed out. "Because I'm a bastard, Raigne."

"You are a bastard." Pagak akong tumawa.

He nodded. Then he took a step towards me, gently touched my face which made my eyes well up.

"I'm a bastard who doesn't deserve you."

I close my eyes. Hinawakan ko ang kamay niyang nakahawak sa mukha ko. Kahit anong gawin ko pagmamahal pa rin ang nangingibabaw na nararamdaman ko para sa kanya.

I miss him so much. I missed having him this close...

"I hate you for causing me so much pain." Tears roll down my cheeks.

He smiled bitterly. "That's right. Hate me. Stay as far away as you can from me." I can see sadness in his eyes as he wipes my tears. "Don't waste your tears on a jackass like me."

I can see the guy I fell for once again. How can I possibly keep hating him when he keeps doing things that make me fall for him even more?

"How I wish it were easy."

"You can. You deserve someone better than me, Raigne. Someone who will treasure you. Someone who will not hurt you."

"Why can't it be you?" I asked with so much pain.

Parang bulang bigla nalang naglaho ang galit na nararamdaman ko sa kanya. I am so close to begging him to come back. Alam ko sa sarili ko na sabihin lang niyang gusto niya akong balikan, I would take him back in an instant. No questions ask. I'm willing to be stupid again if it means having him back in my life.