Her Princess Charming

How She Lost It

Lyss closed her eyes not wanting to cry again. She was so confused about her feelings. About her gender. About Allen and Paulene and how it all came about.

She and Allen have been having a hard time for the past weeks. Fighting about everything, everyday. Their fights seemed so absurd yet they had no clue on how to fix the seams.

Everytime they fought, there was Paulene comforting her and making her believe that everything was Allen's mistake. Making her want to give up and just go.

'Hey Lyss, it's his fault. Stop blaming yourself for feeling that way. It's his choice that he closed his doors at you anyways. You know that I've always had feelings for you. Maybe it's time that you give me a chance.' Paulene said enthusiastically patting her back while she cried.

She had no clue on who between the two she really wants. She was turning a blind eye on the memories she had with Allen, all the love they shared and the promises he never broke.

Now she's here, fighting with Allen and listening to Paulene's promises. Letting her heart feel the excitement of having feelings for a girl for the first time.

She wanted space from Allen to think it all through. To be sure of what she is and who she wants. She needed some alone time because she didnt know what to do anymore.

Now they are gone. Lyss and Allen were no longer together. Vanished like a feather flying upon a single blow like it hadnt held the universe for them both for the past years.

-

LYSS

'I cant forget about what happened Carina, I love him but Im stupid and I cant lie to him anymore. Im starting to have feelings for Paulene and I cant just shake it off. I tried so hard Carina. You saw it. I just dont want to hurt him anymore. He is better off without me.' I cried desperately to Carina. My best friend since junior year.

'You dont want to hurt him or you just want to be with Paulene?' She asked bitterly, almost rolling her eyes at me. I winced and said nothing.

' The way I see it thats the reason you broke up. Because youre selfish Lyss. Ive already told you before. You need to stop being that bitch youve become. Nothing good will come out of your twisted fantasies. If you want to rest from your crying, youve got to fix whatever youve broken. I know its not gonna be easy but hey, progress can be done little by little.' She says to me. Her words stung but I know thats true in so many ways.

I know Ive been so selfish. Thinking only of myself and how hard my situation is. Not thinking of Allen's situation and how much he had sacrificed for me, for us to get here.

I find it so hard to believe that it all ended that way. Weve been inlove for more than a year, through ups and downs we were one but now its gone.

All guys who attempted to get my attention, I turned them down for Allen but why is it that this girl, this lesbian, I cant say no for him.

Maybe because Im alien to the feeling, alien to this situation of being inlove with another girl, and I dont really want to get out of it.

I dont understand why I destroyed what Allen and I had for someone who just came out of nowhere telling me how I should choose her just because she gets what she wants. I didnt want to let myself fall but a part of me did.

I havent been open to this kind of things but for all I know, I am so ashamed to admit that Im now going crazy over a girl and it has destroyed my life, my reputation, my relationship with Allen, the guy I loved so much.

My day went in a blur with a roller coaster ride of emotions especially when I heard that they were talking about me. About how I screwed up.

Guilt. Loneliness. Anger. Shame. Regret. Pity for myself. I could feel it all in my chest.

I almost wanted to break down infront of everyone but then I locked myself up in one cubicle to cry it all out and go back to my class like I didnt shed a tear. I held my head up high even though inside I wanted to just disappear.

I walked home that day. I didnt care about the pain I felt on my feet because it was nothing compared to the pain inside me. I just kept going anyway.

At around 7 in the evening I got a message from Paulene and took a while before I opened it.

'Sup, can we talk? I saw you crying awhile ago. I couldnt go anywhere near you because Carina was there. I know she doesnt like me so, yah. Please reply.' She wrote. I stared at it for a whole minute, not knowing whether to reply or not.

Another minute passed and my phone buzzed again. 'You can tell me anything Lyss. Im just here. I told you Im not going anywhere. I get what I want. All. The. Time.' I suddenly got angry with her words and I felt my chest tighten.

I felt like she planned everything to happen without me knowing it. I dialled her number.

'Hey Im gald you cal--'

'Fck it Paulene. Im so done with you. You know what, Im so sick of you manipulating me into turning my life into a hell hole. I wont listen to you anymore because this is your fault. You know what, you cant get what you want all the time.' I snapped and chased my breathe. I didnt realize I was having an asthma attack until I couldnt breathe anymore.

'What the fck Lyss. Is that what you think of me? Then fine, I wont bother you anymore but youre wrong. I still get what I want.' And with that she put down the phone.

I felt so defeated at the time I slammed the my phone on the floor. I slumped myself on my bed and let myself rest from it all.

--

Author's note :

Sup guys! I hope youre starting to like my story. I hope youre not freaked out by the theme and please dont judge ❤ Have a nice day!
~Alyssa ❤