Her Princess Charming

In the Middle

The next day was so different. It was a rainy day and we all wore parkas of our own and each were weaponed with umbrellas.

And I swore I would never forget my umbrella anywhere again. Especially not now that I have no idea of what's happening with Juliana and me.

As if there was something between us.

There was no way I'd ever want to share an umbrella with her, atleast today.

I stood at the hallway waiting for Louie because we have a debate class today.

Usually, I would be the one waiting for Juliana to pick me up from my last class just so we could go to debate class together but somehow today, it all felt different.

And she was nowhere to be seen.

'Have you seen Juliana?' Louie asked.

'No.' I looked around hoping to see her hiding behind the tall potted bamboo plant beside the wall or behind the row of lockers. The usual places she usually hid when I was around.

'What's wrong with her?' He sounded so irritated. I still didnt tell him about that 'Dion' thing. Im still not sure about it anyway.

'I have no idea.' Really. But something really isnt right. I know it.

'Mother fu-!' He clutched my arm so hard.

'Ow oww what?!' I winced and pulled my arm away.

'Look!' He pushed my jaw to the right a little too violently and what I saw was probably the most impossible scene I ever imagined.

'Shit.'

There she was, leaning on the wall, Dion lazily bent infront of her. Left arm resting on the wall behind her and she was giggling while Dion was whispering something in her ear. It was an eyesore. 

Right there and then, I would have kicked the crap out of him but who was I anyway, right?

'Let's go.' I told Louie, pulling him away from the scene but he didnt move away, instead, he moved towards them. I pulled him with all my strength though I could feel my knees getting weak.

'What the hell Juliana!' He yelled loudly causing Juliana and Dion to look at us.

For a moment Juliana caught my eye but I decided to look away and there was one thing more I decided to do.

Run.

I ran so hard. Down the stairs, across the hallway, past the busy students, out the main door and to the parking lot.

I knew it was raining so hard but I didnt bother to open my umbrella. It didnt matter if I got wet and sick.

I sat under the pouring rain. I didnt want to cry because we werent even anything for me to be hurt like this but I didnt hold back my tears. It was useless keeping them in.

I thought that 'Dion' was just an excuse and a lie to make me believe that she wasnt gay but based from what I saw, my questions are answered.

And the way they were answered was the last possible way I wanted them to be.

I felt bad for Louie too. Not just for myself. Louie was inlove with Dion since we were grade seven. Although I didnt meet him that time yet, whenever he talked about Dion, it starts from the very beginning. Grade seven.

I wondered what happened when I ran. Did Louie slap Juliana? Or punched Dion? Did he run too? Was he crying somewhere under the rain in the parking lot too?

Did Juliana feel happy when she saw me? Or feel guilty about anything?

I wanted to know so bad.

I traded possibilities of broken things being mended for this. I couldnt believe it.

I thought that after everything I would learn. I would be stronger but I was wrong.

Im always wrong.

-

I stared at my new cuts, feeling overwhelmed. I let the blood drip down my fingers.

I couldnt feel anything from my cuts and even inside. I was numb and empty.

'Stupid.' I stared at the girl infront of me, wondering who she is.

'Look what you did to yourself.' She told me.

'It hurts so bad.' I told her.

'That's you fault.' She said, staring back at me like she's wondering who I am too.

'Uhh Lyss, why you talking to the mirror?' The door opened a little and I almost cut my finger with my cutter as I scrambled to hide it and cover my cuts with the sleeves of my jacket.

Dammit I forgot to lock the door.

It was Luke. 'Youre crazy.' He went towards me and I stood from my chair and walked away from my vanity mirror.

'I know. And Im sorry.' I said, carrying him outside the veranda. He was sitting on my cuts but I didnt wince.

'Why are you saying sorry?' He asked curiously.

'I dont know. I just feel like everything is my fault.' I said, looking up the moon. I wondered where Juliana was.

'Why?' He asked, looking up too.

'I cant explain.' I kissed his forehead.

'Where's dad?' He asked innocently. I could feel my heart breaking.

'Somewhere.' I stared at the stars wondering where dad is, too.

'When is he coming back?' He asked again.

'I dont know too. There are questions that dont have answers. And if there were, sometimes it's better not to know them.' I told him but he wasnt listening.

'Look, a shooting star!' He giggled as he pointed up the sky.

'Where?' I looked up again, searching for the star.

'You're slow.' He pointed at me, touching my chin and I quickly bit his finger playfully. Careful enough not to hurt him.

'Who's slow, huh?' I tickled him again and again and he giggled so hard.

'Kids, get inside. It's cold.' Mom called.

'Yeah, coming.' I answered. 'Behave little guy.' I hugged him tight before we went in.

-

At some point I thought that maybe something could make me feel better. I thought something would make me forget that things were falling apart more than it should.

I guess it's really my fault in the first place.

I had the best but I lost it because I was stupid. I was insensitive.

But how am I supposed to make things right when the reason I became happy was also the one that destroyed my happiness?

I felt so helpless.

My phone rang. It was an unknown number again. I readied myself for the possibility that it's the same number that texted me that saturday.

I readied myself to tell him that I would get back with him because I know better now.

'Hello Allen?' I whispered because it was one in the morning. Waaay past my bedtime.

'Who's Allen?' She asked. It was her.

'What the hell do you want Juliana?' If she was right infront of me I would really chop her head off.

I hate her. Every piece of her.

Is it her you hate or yourself? Because you set your hopes up? Because you thought she likes you too? And it was all happening in your head? Assuming. My conscience told me.

'I uhh- Im sorry.. I just--' she stopped. She was about to say another thing but I wasnt interested about what she has to say.

'Dont talk to me again. Ever. Just please, fuck off if you may.' I said in monotone before I hung up.

Ugh god.