Her Princess Charming

Nightmares and Realities

'SHE WHAT!?' I felt my knees buckle all of a sudden, like I'd fall face down on the gravel if I didnt hold on to Louie's arm.

'Dropped out.' He repeated.

'WHY?' I was so close to punching the nearest wall.

'I dont know. Im sorry. I just knew too, nobody knows the reason why actually. Although there were rumors that you dropped out too and both of you ran away to elope. ' He held my hand.

'What kind of shit is that?' He didnt reply. I felt like all the planets collided. Like there was no escape at all. 'Okay thank you.. Im sorry again for tonight. Drive safely Louie, Carina, goodnight. ' They both hugged me as I stood there, frozen and even more lifeless than I was. I watched them enter the car together with concerned eyes for me.

After they drove off, I ran as fast as I could, stumbling up the stairs to check the message she sent me.

My parents were calling for my name but I didnt care a single bit. I had to read the message because it was messing with my head so bad.

'Lyss, Im sorry about what happened the other day. I just got released from the hospital. Where are you now? You know, I was expecting a text from you. Im worried. You know that I dont want us fighting. And you have to know this.. Please dont get angrier at me. Promise me please? Im leaving. Im transferring to another school. My dad's furious when he found out about us. He overheard me and my mom talking, that's how he found out I guess. Please forgive me. I didnt want all this to happen as much as you dont. I dont want you to hate me but Im asking for a little space. Im not breaking up with you. Just a little air will do. You know, to fix things. Will you do me a favor? Take good care of yourself. Dont do anything bad okay? Never give up on life and me. I'll come back to you when everything's already going right. I promise. I love you Lyss. Goodbye.'

I had no clue what I did next. All I know is that I was already in my mom's arms bawling my eyes out. I told her everything and she just said it was going to be fine. God knew it wasnt.

I was also surprised that she didnt reprimand me about it. Maybe it was because she knows that I could do what I did to myself again. And maybe because she's already accepted me and who I really am.

'Are you not angry at me?' I asked quietly. My voice was hoarse from crying. She just pulled me tighter into her arms. 'Of course not.'

'Why?'

'Because Im your mom. I'd accept whatever or whoever you are. I'll love you no matter what. Remember that okay? Just hold on. I know it hurts. If it's meant to be it would find a way, right?' She told me. I just cried even harder and held on to her until I ran out of tears. Later on, she tucked me in and I quickly fell asleep.

-

The morning I woke up, I was so stressed out I didnt know what and how to respond to her very long and painful message.

She didnt say anything after that anymore. It's been days since she sent that message, yet, there wasnt any other message besides that.

How could one person or one message break you into a million aching pieces? Had she known I was in the hospital for trying to kill myself? Had she known I didnt come home for days? And had she known that I wasnt okay and Im dying to see her or talk to her or kiss her? I guess all that's gonna be a blur.

'It's just a little space. She didnt break up with you.' I told myself. But even if that was what I was trying to fit into my brain, I knew it wasnt enough and it didnt make me feel any better at all.

It was easy to say that she shouldve broken up with me instead because it was more acceptable than waiting or expecting for something that's a little impossible but I dont think Im ever gonna heal if that happens.

'Where are you?' I typed and waited. After a few minutes, 'How are you?' I typed again.

I was getting more impatient with every second. I felt like I didnt deserve this, even though deep inside I knew I did. It was hard to think of it. Why does she have to go? To leave such a message and just take off like havent been a very significant part of her life?

I wanted to know where she is right now. Should I come over to their house? But it was a little bit too early in the morning and her dad would kill me.

The sun was shining and it reminded me of a memory she left. Sunrise gives her a twinge of hope. That's what I could never forget. Now, how am I supposed to witness every sunrise and unsee or unhear that moment? Her name will forever be attached to every freaking morning I should go through without her.

Instead of getting lost in all the pain I was feeling, I stood up, brushed my teeth, took a bath and walked down to find my mom cooking breakfast.

'Hey, how you feeling sweetheart?' She asked.

'Oh, Im better now.' Lies.

'Are you sure? Because your looks are telling me otherwise.' I could sense concern and worry on her wrinkled eyes.

'I dont have a choice.' I pulled out a chair from under the dining table and feasted on the blueberry pancakes. Mom's delicacies.

'By the way, youre up earlier than the world expected you to be. Where are you going?' She grinned.

'That sure is a parallel world. Im gonna go jog.'

'Really?'

'Yeah.'

'You swear?'

'Yup.'

'No more running away, okay?'

'Yeah no.'

'Keep away from ropes. Darling please.' She pleaded.

'Dont worry mom.' I kissed her on the forehead. 'Gotta go.'

-

I took Bacon with me again. God knew how much I missed this ball of meat and fur.

'Do you like to jog again baby?' I cooed. I actually waited for a response, which made me question my state of sanity. 'Let's go.'

As usual, I was carrying him again. It wasnt really a good idea but having him with me makes me feel a little less alone. Im pathetic, I know.

At the middle of my jog, I just started crying. Maybe because I cant get it all out of my head. It was driving me insane.

I stopped abruptly when I almost got hit by a car I didnt even see coming towards me. My eyes were full of tears and everything was a blur.

The car stopped for a minute. I actually thought the driver would apologize or whatever but it turns out, the driver was nothing but a coward and he just swerved away.

'What a dick!' I yelled at the top of my lungs.

From that moment that I saw how scared Bacon was, who was actually scratching off my skin, something inside me snapped.

I hugged Bacon so hard and sat on the pavement with an expressionless face.

'Im sorry baby..' I kissed and inhaled his scent. I really love cats, especially this one. He's family to me.

I thought about all the things and people and places I loved and lost. All the things that kept me going. All the hope I was holding on to. I found out that I was suddenly afraid of death.

I needed change in my way of thinking. I needed to get up from this fall because no one else could save me but myself.

Also, I wanted to have her back and I hope I could. If that's what I need to do to restore my sanity.