Her Princess Charming

Round and Round

Days have gone by after the incident, after I balled my eyes out under the rain, after I told her to fck off and after she didnt even try to redeem herself.

Who am I to her, anyway?

All these past days I felt empty. Empty as an echoing room. Nothing was ever worth looking forward to.

I also found out that after I took off, Louie slapped Dion. And of course Dion was wordless and clueless about what all that was about.

It turned out, Dion didnt have a clue that Louie have feelings for him for more than three years now. After the slap, Louie told him that he loved him and walked away in tears.

That sure was a scene.

I couldnt imagine what Juliana did or felt. Louie just said that she looked horrified. Anything more, I didnt want to know.

Pictures of her holding Dion's injured cheek was painful.

I told Louie I was sorry that I didnt tell him earlier. At some point I thought of myself as Allen. How he kept the truth away from me and how that didnt save me from the pain of finding out about it myself, months  after. Even though what Allen did to me was worse, I couldnt help but blame myself.

It was all tragic.

So that saturday morning I decided to jog.

I grabbed my headphones and wore sweatpants. I also took Bacon with me, on a leash.

Taking the cat for a jog. Not the dog for a walk.

I wanted something different. Something new.

When I was younger I dreamt of becoming different. I dreamt of standing out from the rest. I didnt want to be someone that can only be thought of as a face in the crowd. I wanted to be someone.

I know there were too many changes in my life for the past months but most of the time I find myself thankful for the events. Those mistakes that brought me here. Free from everything I was afraid of and everything I was running away from.
I felt free while jogging. It was liberating. But Bacon was really heavy.

Ten minutes ago, I decided to carry him instead because he wasnt even walking and I spent a lot of minutes pulling him.

After thirty minutes of jogging with Bacon in my arms I was already exhausted so I decided to grab breakfast.

I went to a cafe and ordered brewed coffee and pancakes. Bacon ate almost everything so I decided to buy him pancakes, too.

The staff were all 'meowing' at Bacon and petting him. I just sat there on the table beside the window smiling and nodding at them.

'Does he bite?' Someone asked. I couldnt remember how the piece of pancake fell in my cup of coffee, all I know was I know that voice very well.

'Carina.' I wiped the coffee that splattered on my face. It was hot. Ouch.

'Lyss.' She sat right infront of me.

I quickly took Bacon in my arms and patted his head lightly, still looking at Carina with wide and angry eyes.

'What do you want Carina?' I asked bitterly and she squirmed in her seat.
'I want to ask for your forgiveness.' A drop of tear fell from her eye.

'Is this another part of your show?' I smirked, rolling my eyes at her.

'No. Im sorry Lyss.' She pleaded trying to reach for my arm.

I remember that saturday. It was all like déjà vu.

Cafe.
A table by the window.
Cold breeze. 
Apoligies.

Although it isnt the same cafe, time, food, and person - I couldnt help but feel like it's happening again.

'Sorry for what!?' I hissed. Bacon was meowing again and again.

'We were together even months before you broke up with Allen.' She sobbed. 'Paulene and I fell inlove even before you met her.'

I wanted to slap the hell out of her but I listened anyway.

'But I couldnt tell you. I was afraid that you wont accept me. So when I told her about it, she said that she would take care of it. So when you met her, that was supposedly our way to make you know without you getting angry at me.' She explained.

I still didnt move. I dont even remember blinking.

'But the time she met you, she changed.. She began telling me how pretty you were and how funny you were. She began avoiding my calls and texts. Our schedule changed. She had less time for me. Little did I know, she was falling for you and you were too. Yesterday, I decided to end it. She just told me that I should take care of myself. After that she walked away with a smile like she had just been bailed out of prison.' She cried so hard. Even if it hurt to know about all this now, I couldnt be angry. I just felt sorry for her.

'That's the reason that I treated you so bad. The reason why I hated you. The reason I hurt you. Im sorry. Im so sorry.' She added, wiping her tears away.

Now I know. When I broke Allen's heart, I broke her's too.

I felt so bad all over again. Not anger but guilt.

'I didnt know.' I whispered, staring blankly at the spot on the table.

'Now you do.' She extended her arm and I reached for her hands.

'Im sorry. Im really sorry Carina.' I began crying. It turned out, we were both victims of that tragic love. Both victims of Paulene.

Love? No, it wasnt. It was a game. For fools like us.

We spent the whole morning recollecting and apologizing. We made it clear that we were still friends but we knew for ourselves that some part of our friendship already died. And it was okay.

We wanted to find new people and get out of our shells. We wanted to face the bigger side of the picture and learn new things on our own, without each other.

Last year, I wouldnt even think of this ever happening but now that it all has, Im just thankful that I made it through it all.

'Thank you Lyss. Youve been the best friend I ever had. Even if we wont be together like before again, always remember that when you ever need someone, Im still here. I would listen.' She hugged me and I knew for sure she could feel her shoulders getting wet because of my tears.

'Thank you.' I hugged her back. 'The same goes with you.'

-

That night I felt better. A big part of the things that depressed me was already gone.

I just stood there at the veranda watching the stars and rethinking my life.

It was quiet. It was pieceful. It was serene. It was the kind of quiet I wanted.

I wondered what could have happened if Paulene wasnt a bastard and my bestfriend was still my bestfriend.

I wondered what Allen was thinking when he didnt tell me about them. Did he keep the truth to himself because he didnt want me to get hurt?

I found it pointless to regret anything because it already happened. I couldnt do anything about it anymore.

Im just glad that my questions about Carina and Paulene were all answered now. They are no longer part of the picture.

Is Louie okay? Did he get over the incident already? Is he stuffing his mouth with peanutbutter right now while crying and watching The Notebook again? He does that every time he's depressed.

Juliana. Where could she be right now? Is she even thinking of me too? Or she's somewhere with Dion at this time of the night to sneak out?

Damn. I wish I'd stop thinking of her. I wanted to drown these feelings so bad but I couldnt so I just slept through it.

-

A/N:
Things could change so fast sometimes. It can be very painful but one day you'll realize, everything has a purpose.
- Alyssa ❤