Her Princess Charming

Trade Pain for Joy

I couldnt think straight for the following days. I thought I was losing my mind trying to supress my feelings. I didnt eat that much, I didnt sleep much, I didnt do much. I was stuck trying to comprehend how to fix whatever it was that was broken inside me even though I knew very well that no one and nothing could fix it but her.

I came to realize for the past days that I already love her.. For real. Not a crush or an infatuation.. LOVE. I just have that feeling that she was more important to me than anyone or anything else. I would do anything for her. I dont want her to be sad or get hurt. I wanted her to be happy but my feelings were so unstable, I might just be the one to take away her happiness. I was afraid that I'll only hurt her. I was afraid that I'll be stupid enough to make her love me less. It was all too terrifying.

Have you ever been in that moment when you just sit there and read a good book trying to understand what you're reading but you couldnt because youre still thinking about how bad you felt inside, so you read it again and again? Or that moment when you accidentally slice your hand with a chef's knife but even though blood was spurting, you couldnt feel anything so you just stand there holding out your hand and watching it bleed? I've been there.

-

'Hey.' Juliana went up to me as soon as I walked past the school gate. I just gave her a lazy look and continued my way to my first class. 'Wait up!'

'What?' I asked. I was trying to act better infront of her but a big part of me screams that I dont care.

'Im sorry, okay? I didnt know he visited me and gave me roses. I really didnt know. I didnt talk to him after Louie slapped him nor I ever went out with him. Im sorry I didnt return your texts or calls and I didnt tell you where I was.' She desperately cried out. I raised an eyebrow and continued walking.

'Lyss. Listen to me!' She dashed from my back to be right infront of me. I stopped in my tracks and bit my lip a little too aggresively I thought it might bleed.

'Why would I listen to you? Were not even a couple for god's sake! Youre not mine! I dont have the right to get jealous or act like shit just because he made a greater effort for you than I did.' I finally said.

'Come on! You know were something else! Were going there right?' She asked. Her eyes shining with tears threatening to fall. Going there? Were we?

'I cant..' I didnt know why I said it.

'Please. I didnt hide my feelings for more than a year just to watch it go to waste! My heart condition is getting worse..' She sighed.

All the more that I cant do this. I know Im not good enough for her. Im not good enough for anyone. Everyone who ever got close to me just found it miserable to be with me. I cant risk hurting her. Not her above anyone else. I cant be the reason that she'll die or have a heart attack or failure or whatever shit it was that was going to happen if she realizes that Im not worth it at all. Im afraid that I'll just leave her or hurt her too.

'Listen to me..' She sobbed. I stood there watching her cry. It hurts to see it but I was stubborn enough to make a move. Even I, hate myself because sometimes Im too hard headed to listen to my head and not my heart.

She stood up straight and ran to the direction of the ladies room. I ran too and followed her as fast as I can.

'Just go..' She sobbed. I stood outside the cubicle. We were the only people there because the rest were already having classes.

'Im sorry.' I said quietly. She didnt answer. It took a great effort for me to say that. I've never swallowed my pride for anybody this easily before. It usually took me forever to say it.

'I.. I just didnt want to hurt you anymore. I dont want to be the reason that your condition will get any worse than that..' I turned my back and leaned on the door of the cubicle.

I sighed. 'You see, all my life I've never been good enough for anyone. I've loved so hard before but even if I excerted effort and promised him and myself again and again that I would stay no matter what, I still left. I still made a fool out if him.' I said guiltily. She still didnt talk. 'It turns out, love couldnt guarantee you that you could keep a person beside you.. That's why I was afraid I'd do that to you too.' I was already crying. 'Im sorry..' I wiped my tears.

I heard a click and she opened the door. She pulled me inside and closed it again.

'Im sorry.' I said with my head down. She was crying too. Even though my claustrophobia kicked in, I did my best to hide it.

'Doesnt mean it happened before it would happen again. We could make it work, right? If we do it together. If you and I just try to pull it off as a team, we could go as far as we could.' She said while cupping my face and staring straight to my eyes. Hers were filled with hope. I nodded and pulled her close until our lips were touching.

This kiss was different in so many ways from the first one. The first was a kiss for celebration for a love that was revealed and this was one with so much passion, hope, desire and something else, a reconcilation, a sign of genuine love and acceptance.

We kissed until our lips hurt and our hands were everywhere; feeling, touching, kneading. It felt so surreal, like we were flying somewhere only the two of us knew. It was out escape.

We didnt care if we were both shaking and out of breath. It was an art of love, a masterpiece. I tasted every part of her mouth. Taking everything she offered. It felt so new and weird because it was obvious that it was the first for the both of us.

-

'So what now?' She asked as we giggled our way out of the restroom. Our faces were so red.

'Im not a fan of cliché shit but..' I kneeled infront of her at the hallway where some students were passing by. I didnt care. I held both her hands in mine.

She pulled me up telling me to get up but I just laughed. 'Will you be mine Juliana? I know I'll just make you cry sometimes but I promise to make it better. I promise to learn from my mistakes. I will love you for as long as I live. I cannot imagine another day without you.. Just give me chance.. I will be there for you through the good and bad days. Red days or nah..' I giggled as hot tears fell from my eyes. She was crying and laughing too.

'Yes of course, idiot! Come here!' I stood up and she pulled me into a tight hug.

'I love you Juliana.'

'I love you too Lyss.'

This was only the beginning. It wasnt like the proposals in movies with posters and balloons and crap. It was plain but straight from the heart. Impromptu but real. I wouldnt trade it for anything.

-

A/N:
Sometimes it takes a great pain to make you realize how much a person means to you ❤
- Alyssa ❤