Don't mess with her

Chapter 18: Between pickup lines, bonfires and street fighters

When I went back to my brothers, they were arguing where should we go to eat and knowing them this would take a long time. I suggested one of the diners at the shore; they all agreed seeing that they served different kind of foods. We sat at the table, all of them were laughing at poor Matty's expense. Seems like yesterday he was working up his charm with a girl, the bad thing is that he's the worst at pickup lines sober imagine him a little tipsy.

Jake was breathless, but nothing stopped him from telling the story. "You should've been there." He choked with his laughter before he continued. "He-he said 'You must be Jamaican 'cause Jamaican me crazy'." Oh Lord. I have to admit that I have heard worst from him but Jake's laugh was contagious. Nate was wiping tears from his eyes at the memory. Apparently they were close to Matty and the poor girl, and heard it all. "And that's not even the worst of it."

Matty groaned while his head was on the table, obviously remembering yesterday's events. "After that poor girl left, he went to another and asked 'Hey baby, what's your sign? Caution, slippery when wet, dangerous curves ahead, or yield?'" They were all now smacking the table unable to control their laughing fit.

"Man, how many times have I told you? Girls want to get fuck-laid." Brody corrected himself quickly after I gave him a pointed look.

"Not making it any better." He ignored me and kept talking.

"You can't go for what you want right on the spot." Matty made a move to speak but Brody cut him quickly. "Or suggest it. You need to get her to think that you are interested in how she feels, but before that you need to say a clever thing to break the ice."

"Pigs." I rolled my eyes.

He continued to ignore me. "It's like this. Jake, you'll be the girl and I'm-"

"Why do I have to be the girl? Why can't Emily do it? I mean she looks like one." Jake cut him off and whined like a five-year-old.

"Either that's because Emily would rather die than do this, or the fact that she is about to have your balls pulled out of your throat if you keep pissing her."

"Lovely way to put it, Brody," Nate replied sarcastically to his comment.

"Anyways...Like I was saying you'll be the girl and I'll be the less-horny-fucked-up-version of you," Brody continued. "And Emily, pay attention, so you don't get fooled by shit like this from assholes."

I found his last statement so funny. Well, looks like they think of themselves as assholes. Which is funny because they are nothing like that in reality, any girl would be lucky to have them in a long term relationship. If only they would see that, until then I have to listen to stuff like this.

"It goes like this; hey, beautiful night isn't it?"

"Aw, come on!" They all dismissed his stupid pickup line.

"What? It always work!" Brody defended but they weren't listening anymore.

"With who? Thirteen-year-olds?" Jake scoffed and shook his head.

"Dude." Jake smacked Matty to gain his attention. "What you need to say is this; did it hurt? Because something as beautiful like you must have fell from heaven."They all began to laugh. Is it me or their ideas are getting stupider by the minute?

"How you get girls to come home with you is beyond me." I shook my head in disbelief. "Haven't it crossed your only neuron suffocating in there to simply talk to the girl? Compliment her, be real. That's why you guys haven't found a decent girl, a girl that has presented a challenge for you. You always go for the easy not the classy." After my rant, the three were silent taking into consideration what I just said, but Nate was smiling. He was the only one out of them who got a girlfriend, that's why he knew what I was saying is true. When he goes out with them on Fridays, his girlfriend is with him or he's alone; he's always the designated driver. I admire him, because he's not only taking care of me, but also he's always taking care of them.