I walked off the stage confidentiality, trying my best not to show how truly exhausted I was. I collapsed into my husband's arms, the second I entered the dressing room.
"Hey, are you alright?" Mike worriedly asked, him instantly noticing my heavy breathing.
"I'm fine..." I lied, standing up from his arms. I herd my husband yell, my name, as my world started to spin.
I could hear people talking around me, the medics, my husband, Ivey, Melissa. It was almost if I was too weak to response to their constant noise. My body felt numb, like I couldn't feel a thing, except for my husband holding my hand tightly.
"I'll meet you at that hospital Carrie. I love you." I felt Mike's soft lips, place a kiss on my forehead.
I could hear the sirens now. I could feel the medics moving me, putting things on me, speaking to me, but still, I couldn't reply.
Soon enough I herd different voices, nurses at the hospital. I was at the hospital? Why? What was wrong with me? Of course I could hear people speaking, but it was like I couldn't understand them. It was like my brain couldn't comprehend, what they were saying.
I woke up, looking around the white- walled room. Mike entered, a faint smile appearing on his face, as he sat beside me, noticing I was awake.
"Baby, you haven't been eating?" Mike took my hand, gently. My heart dropped, it seemed like. This is why I am here?
"Why does it matter? I am fine." I replied slightly confused.
"But you aren't. That's why you're in here sweetie. You've lost ten pounds, that I know of. Are you trying to loose weight?" My husband asked, I am so confused.
"No. Mike I've just been doing a lot lately. When I have time to eat I do, but you know that isn't a lot. I don't cook a lot of food for myself." I explained. I don't want my husband looking at me in a negative way, the way he is now. "Yeah, I've been skipping a few meals every now in then, but I've just been busy." I added causing my husband to nod.
"Carrie you have to eat, that has to come first. Over anything, okay?" Mike looked at me serious causing me to nod my head, in agreement.
"I promise. I'm sorry... For causing such a scene." I closed my eyes, for a brief second, biting my lip. I truly felt bad. I know Mike was worried about me, and that he still is.
It was the truth, what I said. I never intended to get thinner, or to skip meals, or just not eat. I have been extremely busy these past two weeks, and every now and then I'll eat a few crackers, but that's nothing. Normally if I'm hungry, I'll chew a piece of gum, intending to eat later, but I never get to, something else comes up.
"Don't apologize sweetie, I know you wouldn't do something like this on purpose." Mike replied kissing my cheek, softly.
"How much do I weigh? Do I look gross?" I worriedly asked.
"They said 111." My husband answered, my first question, I suppose the second was true.
"I do look gross don't I?" Tears were brimming my eyes at this point.
"I think your doctor-"
"Mike..." I released his hand, the tears falling from my eyes, causing me to look away from Mike.
"Baby." My husband softly placed his hand on my back, rubbing it, as I turned away from him, crying into my pillow. "You don't look horrible, at all. I promise." Mike continued to rub my back softly.
I feel like shit. My body feels like shit. I just want to yell, at myself for being so stupid. I feel as if, everyone is going to look at me as if I'm weak, as if I did this on purpose. I didn't do this on purpose. I didn't starve myself. It worries me that if my fans find out about this they will think it's okay, which it isn't. This isn't okay, not to any extent.
Sorry if this was horrible! I am also sorry that it took me so long. Please comment and vote❤
