What Happened When We Met

Love Yourself

Narrator: Effie

What are you supposed to say when someone asks you to tell them one of your darkest secrets? Do you say the truth and hope they don't judge? Or do you lie and try to sound convincing? What if the truth just sounds like a lie?
Timmy, who is now my best friend, asked me to tell him a secret that I wouldn't tell anyone. And I did, but to him, it sounded like a lie or something.
I'm not sure when this started. But the first time I noticed it, was when Helena's grandmother died. I had always seen Helena like a sister, I always had her back and she had mine.
*Flashback
The day her grandma died, she was broken. She got a call from her dad, who was living in Mexico, telling her that his mom had just passed away. And I watched as she slowly went down to the floor, with her hand covering her mouth and tears filling her eyes. She spent days crying and I felt really bad for her, and that day I knew that there was something wrong with me too. I couldn't cry. I had been in tough situations in which I knew a normal person would've cried, but for more that I wanted, I couldn't.
I always ran away from love and relationships. Once I met this guy and we suddenly became best friends. When we met he had a girlfriend, so I thought nothing of it. But later on, he seemed really interested, he would go talk to me and he would sit by me. His girlfriend tried to fight me once, she was soooooo jelly. But she had no reason to be. We didn't have anything going on. Or that's what I thought, until that day after school. I was waiting for my mom and he saw me. He said he was going to wait with me, but then he changed his mind and told me that he had to go and like that, he gave me a kiss. I freaked out and I never talked to him again.
Now I was here telling Timmy that my problem was that I loved myself. And it was true, everyone knew that I would always choose myself. Maybe not in a selfish way, but I had it clear in my mind that I wasn't ready to be with anyone but myself. Yeah I could have friends, but if it started getting to the romantic side, I would stop talking to that person and maybe run out of town.
"I don't understand how that is a problem" Timmy was staring at me blankly.
"Yeah, no one really understands, not even I do," I closed my eyes for a second, "but it feels good sometimes, not having to worry about loving someone or anything like that"
"Yeah, I think I need that" he leaned back and closed his eyes.
"We should get back, I think being out here is making you think too much" we both laughed and walked inside the venue.
The only people left inside were the band members and our friends. I saw Alaska, she was sitting down with her head on Seattle's shoulder, she was so tired I could see her struggling to keep her eyes open, Seattle's fingers were running through her hair. He was making her feel more sleepy than she already was. Emma was still talking with Jimmy and Roger, I quickly noticed that Roger was a little too close to her. And Helena, was still outside with Michael. Sometimes I don't understand how people have so many things to talk about.
I dragged Timmy to where Seattle and Alaska were sitting. We were just there looking at each other like we were so drunk and couldn't even hold a conversation. Until Timmy broke the silence.
"So are you two going out?" he asked them pointing his index finger back and forth from Alaska to Seattle. It was funny cause he did sound and look like he was drunk.
"W-what? Why? No" Alaska stuttered.
"Bro, we just met a week ago" Seattle tried to sound calm but the blush on his cheeks was saying otherwise.
Timmy laughed and glanced at me. I just nodded and we both started laughing, I laughed so hard that my stomach was aching.
I turned around and saw Jimmy walking towards us, with a small smile on his face.
"Have you guys seen Helena?" he asked looking around.
"Yeah, she's outside with Michael" Timmy told him and I just nodded.
"Okay, I'm going to go say bye, I am really tired and I'm going home, anyone need a ride?" Jimmy asked looking at all of our dull faces.
We told him we were okay, we all hugged him and he walked out the door.
I saw Ronnie coming in again, he started saying goodbye to everyone, he stayed longer with Alice, I think he asked her for her phone number, because they had their phones out and she looked nervous. I saw as they hugged one last time.
"Freaking. Lucky. Alice." I thought to myself.