The Truth

The Third Wheel

The next day I awoke on the couch, again. With Pam's blanket on top of me. I vaguely remember where Sam and I were last night. I carried Sam up to our apartment and we slept together on our landfill couch. I frantically look around for Sam. He isn't sleeping on the living room where I took us earlier. What if he left? What if I ruined our whole relationship? I get up and I get the worst headache ever. Damn. I peer into Sam's room and he's sleeping soundly on his stomach. Okay. So he only moved in the middle of the night to sleep in his own room. He's probably still freaked out about how the couch is from the dump. . . Wait, I mean landfill.

I pour cereal and eat alone at the table. Sam arrives in the living room and heads straight into the kitchen for the fridge. He's only wearing boxers and glasses this early in the morning.

"Dude, my head really hurts," his voice hoarsely says as he rubs his forehead.

"It feels better once you eat and drink water, man," I say, playing with a piece of my Apple Jax cereal on my spoon. I try to separate them by color in the bowl, green on one side and orange on the other. I watch Sam grab a PopTart and eat it by the counter.

"So, about last night. . ." he starts. He fixes his glasses and looks into my eyes.

"I'm sorry, it was my fault," I apologize quickly and look down at my cereal.

"I just need some space, to sort things out. That girl, Kacey, gave me her phone number yesterday and we're thinking of seeing a movie tonight. I don't think I'm gay, Colby" Sam says softly, trying to not hurt my feelings.

"It's fine," I say and I try to smile at him to prove I'm fine. I look at the distance between us, Sam is only 5 steps away but he feels so much farther. He feels so distant. I drink my water slowly and say that I think I'm just bisexual. He nods and we talk about trying to get a TV for the living room.

On our adventure to get a cheap TV at the thrift store, we also get some candles, dishes, movies, books and two matching shelves for our room. We get home and set everything up easily, then Sam takes a shower before his date. He comes fresh out of the shower with dark jeans and a flannel shirt with a white T underneath. I watch him get ready.

"Which one was she again?" I ask, curious as to if she's more attractive than me or not.

"She's the brunette girl that dared me to kiss her," he says as he fixes his drying hair into a swoop.

"Well, isn't she bold. Ya like girls that make the first move?" I tease.

"I mean, it's alright," he plays off my joke coolly.

"What movie are you gonna see?" I ask. This has suddenly turned into an interview.

"Sinister 2, remember watching Sinister 1 a couple years ago? They made a sequel or something." He says as he puts toothpaste on his toothbrush.

"Yeah, I liked it. Text me to see how it goes, okay?" I dangle the keys in front of him and his fingers brush my naked finger that should have a Band-Aid on it but he doesn't care. He says he'd be home by 11 and that he'd bring me some McDonald's on the way back. I tell him that he doesn't have to but he insists. He puts on a light jean jacket before he leaves and I hear the door lock. I am alone.

I think about Kacey spending quality time with Sam. A sickening scene plays in my mind. The movie theater is dark and he yawns so he can put his arm around her. She makes him kiss her again. Ugh I don't want to think about her anymore. Maybe if I didn't stop Sam last night things would have been different today. If he made love to me, then he would see that there is definitely something between us. How he makes me feel is something that I can't explain except it's the scariest yet exhilarating feeling in the world. I know I have feelings for Sam now. How could I not feel it before?