(Donnies P:O:V)
It was night already, 3AM to be correct. I can't sleep cause of the voices in my head. They are telling me things I should do, or that I suck. I'm insane I know that but my brothers don't. I mean, they did know that when we were little I had imaginary friends, they were really there! I talked to them like they were really there. My brothers always played along, so I thought they saw them to. But when we got older they told me they didn't see anything, but I still saw my imaginary friends. They were worried about me for a long time, but then at the age of 10 I started to hear voices like now in my head. They told me that I meant nothing to my family, that I should kill them. I tried to ignore them... but it only got worse. At training with my brothers an my Father I really fast got distracted and was the one who was not as good as the others. Even my only little brother Mikey was better than me. I got really fast angry, like my older brother Raph. But other than he, the voices in my head told me to go all violent against them. I many times could refuse those voices demanding me those things. Oh and by the way, all of the orders and comments in my head are called as numbers and weekdays. For example 'hitting' is number 12 and 'kill your family' is number 77, 'kill yourself' is Monday, and so on... I sometimes painted those numbers, my family always where confused about that. So they asked me about the numbers and I explained that every number is one thought in my head. They didn't expected that those where the names of the voices in my head. So they were ok with this answer. At the age of 12 I couldn't control my anger and at every little thing I got upset and shouted and screamed. Also I hit my family and attacked them with my Naginata. They wanted to help me and tried to calm me down. But I just went on. I sometimes screamed that I'm not alone, but nobody understood me. So I isolated me in my lab and tried to blend out the voices. But they got worse. I once tried to kill myself with my oldest brother Leo's katana, but I got caught by Raph. He was shocked and wanted to tell the others, but I hold on to his arm and told him everything, of my imaginary friends, the voices in my head and my hallucinations. He didn't believe me at first, but then I heard a voice say "kill him, he knows to much!" I fast held onto his neck and pressed my thumbs against his throat so he would gasp for air. But then another voice said that he can't be killed just yet, then I told my brother, if he ever dare to tell that the others he would die. I let go of his neck and he coughed hard until he had his air back. He stared at me feared. I walked towards him and he backed away. I got angry and shouted "I'm not a monster!" he nodded with tears in his eyes and went out of the dojo. Now we all are 15 and Raph didn't told anybody anything, but he made grate distance between me and him. He was afraid of me and it was killing me, he was my brother...how could he be afraid of me? But on the other hand, my normal brain understands him. All the others were acting normal around me, but just because they didn't knew what I had. Splinter forced me to meditate after every outburst of rage I had. I did so but I couldn't concentrate. And so was my life, I still can control myself from the darkest voices and ignore them, but now...I don't know if I can handle them anymore, it's depressing and I'm cutting myself. I just want to stop the voices! But I think....I'm helpless...
YOU ARE READING
TMNT - Schizophrenia....
Fanfiction(I really suck at writing describtions haha sry,) but in the story it is about how donnie has to struggle a very rare sickness called schizophrenia. There will be lots of violence and bloody scenes, betrayal and so on... don't like it, don't read...
