We're All Mad Here

Mischievous Kitty Cat

It was probably the fiftieth time I was having this conversation, but Jack was once again asking me about Sarah-the girl he knew since Elementary and has been asking out since he figured out he liked her.

"So I really do stand a chance?"

"Yep. So long as you don't make her angry." I told him and grinned, causing him to shake his head at me. "Now shut up and do your part of the poster-thingy. I want to get this done and over with."

Jack scowled at me and grabbed a marker, drawing a few red lines across the board. "Have you never liked anyone?"

I paused to think about it. I stopped what I was doing to sit cross-legged and folded my arms over my chest. "To be honest...I don't think I have, really. I mean, there are those crushes you get-which are just mere infatuations 'cause you think someone is cute, and then there's thelike and love part-er, faction. Yeah, faction. I haven't really "liked" or "loved" anyone like that. I'm more than content having you and Sarah and Erin with me as my friends. All I need is you guys with me to be happy. Who needs a guy?"

I said that, not knowing the repercussions of loneliness that would happen in the next two years.

...

I know they didn't hate me, or even dislike me, but it hurt every time they asked me to go away so they could spend some time together alone. I sat down in the empty practice room, my knees tucked up to my chest. I felt like crying-I was crying. I didn't want to be alone. I wanted to be with my best friends. But if they didn't want me there, so be it. I'll let them have their time together.

I was the third-wheel, after all. It was strange...it didn't hurt until recently, when they finally stopped talking to me all together and only focused on each other. They were ignoring their other friends too, so I wasn't alone in this dark reality.

Maybe they'd prefer it if I was gone out of their lives? I wondered what they'd do if I suddenly disappeared, if I died or was kidnapped...what would they do, or what would their lives be like, if I never even existed at all? Would they care, would they miss me, or would they be happier without me even alive? Sometimes I was tempted, I would never actually do it though, to take a knife and stab myself in the chest. I didn't like sharp objects because of that reason...that curiosity.

What would happen if one died? Would it all be black, or would they open their eyes right after as an infant again without any memories? The thought scared me. I didn't like it. That's why I hated hurting people, but I still do it anyway...

I had no idea how to show affection, I had no idea how to react or respond, and I always resort to violence...

Why was I such a jerk? Why was I...such a bad person?

...

I wish Pierce was here... Who was that? I couldn't think. I had no idea. It was a thought that just passed my mind randomly as I looked at the clock ticking away on the wall. I was in math class again, preparing for a test I did not study for. Pierce...Pierce, Pierce, Pierce, Pierce...cool name. Was that a name? Did it mean something else?

I tapped my pencil against my desk in annoyance, staring at my drawing with a deep frown. We were supposed to be studying, but when was I going to do that? I was going to fail the test anyway. Ah, but I need a D in this class if I don't want to get in trouble...

Why couldn't it be English Class?

I blinked, seeing something out of the corner of my eye and turned my head, staring out the window to see a white rabbit with red eyes staring at me. Hm, weird. That's interesting. I blinked again, and frowned in confusion when it was suddenly gone.