First off, I'M NOT DEAD.
yaaaAAaAAAAAy.
I have decided to pull this book out of the depths of oblivion. So, you're welcome.
Who's ready for another rapid fire round? *nobody raises hand*
Well I'm gonna do one anyway.
-One Direction, Taylor Swift, and Ariana Grande are the only musicians who exist.
-She claims that she suffers from depression, but she's about as depressed as sunshine and rainbows.
-"Oh, I'm not hungry."
The cake is a lie, more like the cake is lie-ing in your stomach.
-"I'm so fat! I weigh a million pounds and I have gianormous thunder thighs!"
Girl, sticks and stones break your bones because that's all you have.
-I scrubbed my Minty Mocha Sparkling Dreams Bath & Body Works soap all over my body with my white ribbon, threaded, glittery loofah that I purchased at Target. Then, I dried myself with my pink, 36x30 towel that I got on sale at Bed, Bath & Beyond. Then I curled my hair with my Conair-
NOPENOPENOPENOPE.
-"So today I'm gonna go for the natural look. I smeared some glittery black eyeshadow all over my lids, following up with electric blue eyeliner and matching false eyelashes. I caked on some orange foundation topped with neon pink blush. To finish, I coated my lips with some bright purple lipstick to compliment my green eyes. I curled my bleach yellow hair into perfect ringlets and wore a white wedding gown with red stripper pumps. All ready for school!"
You look like a rainbow puked all over your body.
-"Oh, I am so madly in love with you Harry! But, I get lost in Niall's sky blue orbs and my hands can't come untangled from Liam's chocolatey brown hair and I can't help but feel Louis's muscular arms and I can't help but caress Zayn's..."
Oh, wait, he's not in the band.
Whoops.
-Justin Bieber creeps his way into every story.
-Louis eats carrots and talks to piegons, Niall only eats Nando's and everything else, Liam is an innocent angel who will bake cookies for you, Zayn cares about his hair more than he cares about air, and Harry dates old women.
Wait, cross out the part about Zayn.
-*girl gets bullied about being ugly & fat* *character is played by Gigi Hadid*
That's not how this works.
-"Call me Daddy." Liam says as he seductively pulls a batch of chocolate chip cookies from the oven.
*spits water everywhere*
-Sweaters, sweatshirts, and sweatpants make up her entire closet.
And Harry's sweatshirt, don't forget about Harry's sweatshirt.
-Every fanfic will have a character named Jimmy soley for this:
"Do you want steak for dinner, honey?" Harry asked as he searched through the fridge.
"NO!" Jimmy protested.
"Okay. How about veggie soup?"
*snorts*
-*lets out a tiny toot* "WHOOPSIES! EXCUSE ME!"
*lets out a killer fart that smells worse than a dead skunk in a mouldy cheese shop and is louder than a one direction concert* *wipes out the human race* lol.
-Luis, Neil, Zan, Leeyum, and
*looks at smudged writing on hand*
Harree.
-*Harry's girlfriend, Kylie, struts out wearing a leopard print mini dress with stiletto heels*
"What do you think?" she asks, flipping her blonde hair.
"We're done! So many cats were harmed in making that dress! You are a disgrace!" Harry ripped his sport coat from his shoulders and stormed out of the room.
i'M DONE
