Before starting this chapter I just wanna say that I am a huge believer in the supernatural; Ghost, Premonitions, ALL THAT SHIT!!!
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Odell Beckham Jr.
When I die, fuck it I wanna go to hell
Cause I'm a piece of shit, it ain't hard to fuckin' tell
It don't make sense, goin' to heaven wit the goodie-goodies
Dressed in white, I like black Tims and black hoodies
God will probably have me on some real strict shit
No sleepin' all day, no gettin my dick licked
Hangin' with the goodie-goodies loungin' in paradise
Fuck that shit, I wanna tote guns and shoot dice
All my life I been considered as the worst
Lyin' to my mother, even stealin' out her purse
Crime after crime, from drugs to extortion
I know my mother wished she got a fuckin' abortion
She don't even love me like she did when I was younger
Suckin' on her chest just to stop my fuckin' hunger
I wonder if I died, would tears come to her eyes?
Forgive me for my disrespect, forgive me for my lies
I blasted Suicidal Thoughts as I sat in my man cave smoking a blunt. I was stressed as hell and so much shit was going on. My ex-bestfriend wants me dead, my babygirl worried about me, and that really hurts me because if she's getting feelings like that then I know something isn't right.
My babies' mothers 8 months, her little sister's 2
Who's to blame for both of them (naw nigga, not you)
I swear to God I just want to slit my wrists and end this bullshit
Throw the Magnum to my head, threaten to pull shit
And squeeze, until the bed's, completely red
I'm glad I'm dead, a worthless fuckin' buddah head
The stress is buildin' up, I can't,
I can't believe suicide's on my fuckin' mind
I want to leave, I swear to God I feel like death is fuckin' callin' me
Naw you wouldn't understand (nigga, talk to me please)
You see its kinda like the crack did to Pookie, in New Jack
Except when I cross over, there ain't no comin' back
Should I die on the train track, like Remo in Beatstreet
People at the funeral frontin' like they miss me
My baby momma kissed me but she glad I'm gone
She knew me and her sista had somethin' goin' on
I reach my peak, I can't speak,
call my nigga Chic, tell him that my will is weak.
I'm sick of niggas lyin', I'm sick of bitches hawkin',
matter of fact, I'm sick of talkin'
This song basically expressed how was feeling..I wasn't exactly having Suicidal Thoughts but i was just angry, tired of bullshit and tired of looking over my shoulder every 2-3 seconds of the fucking day. I was just tired of everything and everybody. When it comes down to friends all I have is Kav and he's not even a friend that's family! So i have no friends. I heard footsteps enter the room and saw Kehlani.
"You still down here?" She groaned.
"I'll be up there in a second baby." I took another drag from my blunt.
"..I heard you and Pooh talking.." She said.
"Yeah. It's stuck in my head forreal." I sighed.
"You gon' listen to her?" She sat down next to me.
"More than likely, I will.."
"Good, because she was pretty shaken up over her dream and she just kept praying over and over that you listen to her and not go to work." She explained.
"She had a dream?" I raised an eyebrow.
"Yeah, She dreamed that you got shot and then they threw you over a bridge and she dreamed that Kav was stabbed to death...Odell your babygirl has visions in her dreams. Shes had plenty of dreams and told me about them, they usually come true." She explained.
