sunshine ☆彡 seokmin

fifteen

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     Sometimes when I try to listen to music at school, I feel like I'm not even there. There's always been a disconnection between me and the rest of the people at school, which is biased because I don't have friends.

I really wish I did.

There's people that might like the same stuff as I do but even they seem to ridicule me. It's hard.

Today, for the first time in an incredibly long time, the library was closed. However, it didn't mean that I was to be going to the lunchroom.

I have a headache and it's not even helping that a few jerks find me all alone, walking away from the library.

"Hey, Maxy." The rat greets and I pretend to smile at them. His name is Leon and I wish he was nice.

His friend, Sam, decides to get in front of me and then I feel breathing down my neck. That's when I know it's bad.

"Hi, guys." I greet, trying my best to not look vulnerable but I am. I'm so vulnerable and it scares me how ready I am to succumb to it. Sam comes closer to me and I try to step back but there's another boy behind me. Do they know that they make me uncomfortable?

"Gimme your lunch money, Maxima." They laughed and I forced a laugh, too. They often joked around, with anyone, of course, but since I was usually the only colored person in some classes, they picked on me a lot.

They push me up against the wall and I hope they're just playing around. "Where do you hide your money, huh?" Leon chuckles as he moves up closer to me and my trembling grows worse.

"Probably in her fat." I hear the kid from behind me say and I know who he is. It's Hansol.

And then we freeze up when we both see each other. His eyes are the devil, a crime, itself in existence. I want to cry but I cannot.

Sam giggles and nods his head. I look Hansol in the eyes and hope that he sees me, begging for mercy. Leon pokes me in the stomach and I reach out to grab his hand. Even my instincts know that I can only tolerate some things for so long.

He cocks his head to the side, his eyes meeting with the others'. "Are you guys seeing this? A Mexican doing this to a white man?" I think they're joking and I force myself to keep the scared smile on my face.

Where is a teacher?

They chuckle all amongst each other. "Maxima, where's the hard earned cash your single mother gave to you, huh?" Leon asks and I bite on my lip, watching Hansol just stand there from my peripheral vision.

"Come on, loser, say something." Sam squishes my side and my fingers curl into my palm. "I-Iー" My jaw quivers.

Leon is now a few inches away from me and his head is close to my neck. "Where're your boobs, faggot?" He asks and my eyes widen.

"I-I'm not gay..." My face is burning hot and how am I not crying yet?

"Oh, yeah? Prove it, Maxy." Sam pokes me again and I feel myself getting smaller and smaller. Hansol is gone.

"Give me a kiss, huh? If you know how to give one!" They both burst out laughing and I hope they're joking when Leon grabs me by the collar, pulling me near his face.

"Hey!" An authorative voice calls and I let out a gigantic sigh of relief. We all turn to see a teacher, Coach McLeod. He looks more confused than angry.

"What are you guys doing?" He asks and they back away from me. Sam smiles and replies with, "We were just joking around with Maxima, weren't we?"

I nod my head, not even looking ahead. I just wallow in my pity, humility, and misery. I think I'm going to get sick again. They're gone and I forget when they leave, but I don't care.

I walk outside and sit on the steps, trying to calm my breathing down. "Maxima!" I hear a voice call and I wince. I hate hearing my name now.

I hear more voices and the familiarity is so strong that I turn around. It's them, it's him. Seokmin, Seungkwan, and Soonyoung are running to me with their lunch trays in hand. They're running to me? Why me?

They all sit around me and I feel like everything inside me is being poured out like a fallen water bottle. "Hi!" Soonyoung waves his hand at me even though we're really close to one another.

"Woah! Your shirt! What happened there?!" Seungkwan yells and I'm not sure why he does it but I realize that it's all open from the top.

I quickly button it up more and zip up my jacket all the way up to my neck. "Nothing." I lie and try to give him a smile. He smiles, too.

Seokmin wraps his arm around me as he takes a big bite out of his chicken leg. They're all eating chicken legs.

"I love chicken! Chicken, chicken, chicken!" They begin to chant and my heart feels less...hurt. He rocks the both of us from side to side and I begin to smile. It feels good. He smells good, too.

Seungkwan leaps at me and holds my hands, leaning his face a good distance from mine. He's so pretty.

"You know SNSD? Tell me you know SNSD!" He shakes my hands and begins to scream at the top of his lungs super excitedly until Soonyoung jumps up, too. "Play SHINee! Play SHINee!" He yells and jumps up and down.

They're both screaming so loud already and when Seokmin adds his yells, too, I start laughing. The three of them just screaming is a great sight to see and it makes everything look brighter.

I forget how ugly I am and how ugly most people are to me when I'm with them. It's like all I can see is the beautiful that they are.

Seokmin leans down at me and smiles that bright smile, making his eyes thin and cute.

"You are the loveliest person I have ever met." He says  and before I can even tell him how fricking wrong he is, Seungkwan begins to blast SNSD from his phone.

It's Paparazzi and I'm guessing he knows the dance because he gets ready in a millisecond. His face is fierce and serious as he lifts his leg and shakes his hip seductively. Soonyoung shakes his head and changes the song to something else, 'Mamacita' by Super Junior.

Seokmin squishes my cheek with one hand and makes a sound, "Buing Buing!"

Then, he and Soonyoung grab their chicken legs and dance to Mamacita as, for the first time in a long time, I begin to feel happy.