sunshine ☆彡 seokmin

nineteen

;;

     They love to dance. I cannot. However, they did try to show me last night.

They slept over, after being asked and begged for, so we stayed up, dancing in the basement. My aunt was too busy talking to Seungcheol and they talked for hours. Hansol was upstairs, on his phone.

I barely woke up. It's five in the morning and I can't go back to sleep. I've had one hour of sleep but I can't get it.

We're in the living room and there's blankets everywhere, not to mention how many boys there are in the room. Boys.

I sit up and rub my eyes before slipping on my glasses. Seungkwan is making faces in his sleep and Chan is kicking with one of his legs. I fight the urge to plant a kiss on their foreheads.

Jeonghan is curled up, beside Seungcheol and they're both silent and still. They both look like burritos, wrapped up with each other.

It's dark and the only light that is being produced is the one from the kitchen stove. My aunt leaves for work in an hour.

Seokmin is the closest to me and he's turned on his side, facing me as the blanket is in between the both us. He's shivering slightly and I sigh quietly, covering him with it. His face is even more lovely, the childish way he moves his eyes under his eyelids and the way he pouts a few times in his sleep.

Why is he so beautiful?

I lean down and press my chapped lips against his warm cheek, covering him more. Warmth spreads across my face as I pull away from him. He's smiling in his sleep.

Did I seriously just do that? Oh, my God.

The sound of a breath being released comes to my hears and I turn towards it, without even realizing who had done it. Hansol. He's sitting up and staring at me. His face looks even more younger and childish, with his fatigued doe eyes.

I scoot away a bit and just watch him, watch me. My eyes meet his, his meet mine. Why? His face doesn't say anything but his eyes do. However, they're too dark to read.

I'm scared but I don't care.

"Hansol," I say and wince at the mention of his name. I'm shivering now. He blinks. "Why?" I ask.

Hansol has been staring at me for a few minutes now and I really want to cry but I'm not going to. I don't want to.

He inhales and exhales slowly before dropping his eyes to the ground. Only half of his face is visible. His eyes are on the toolbox on the wall; the same one that my dad used to use before he left me, with my mom. I wonder why we haven't moved it somewhere else.

"Max," he calls my name and I pause, thinking about all the things he has done. Who is he?

I stand up and walk over to him before taking a seat right beside the same boy, who had almost made me cry a few weeks ago. He's just as surprised as I am.

"Yeah?" I reply. We're both looking out the window and the sky is a dark purple, with the street lamps making it look like one of Van Gogh's paintings. Was it Van Gogh?

Hansol sighs and rubs his face as I continue looking outside the window. I'm still shaking.

"Max, I'm sorry." His voice is softer than one of the few times I've heard it. I swallow hard at his apology, fighting the bitterness that's trying to fill up my judgement.

I exhale through my nostrils and watch a few cars drive by. "Why?" My question makes his breathing hitch and he still has his face in his hands.

"I hated you."

I nearly laugh because honestly, I would hate me, too. But why is he using the past tense? What?

One of the street lamps flicker and another car passes by. "Why?" I ask again and listen to him grabbing for the blanket my aunt gave to him last night. She threw it at him.

"Because, Max," we both look at each other this time and his eyes are tired. He is tired.

"You made me look stupid in one of my classes and I was kicked off the basketball team since the coach didn't want any idiots on his team." No way.

I open my mouth and he shakes his head. "I learned that you didn't like being looked at weird and used that to my advantage. I hung out with the wrong crowd afterwards. I'm sorry." Why is he talking so fast?

I raise my palm, telling him to slow down. "I really did hate you." His voice is higher than usual now.

"It's okay. I forgive you. I mean, I would, too."

Hansol furrows his eyebrows at me and looks confused. I take a deep breath and say, "I'm not scared of you anymore."

He widens his eyes and pauses, just looking at the ground before nodding. We're back to staring out the window. Silence presses on.

"You know," Hansol breaks it. "He really likes you."

My face is just as hot as it was before. Who...?

"Chan really thinks you're cute." I find myself feeling two surprising emotions: excitement and disappointment.

Only now, do tears fill my eyes again.