sunshine ☆彡 seokmin

eleven

;;

     My aunt calls me three times during the dinner. Jihoon looks at me irritatedly and I feel terrible, my stomach feeling mildly worse and worse.

I get full with a few bites of the painfully delicious food and my aunt keeps asking me how I'm doing. She asks me things that my mom wouldn't ask me and my cheeks warm up at that.

"Gracias, tía. Te quiero mucho." I mumble into the phone and she reciprocates her love for me, too. "Cuídate, mija. Te amo. Bye!"

I return to the table and I still feel like passing out, the pain of my headache swelling.

Most of them are done since they just had seconds and a few are getting up to get some more. I stand near the door frame just watching them enjoying their meal without me there. They look so happy and they look so connect with one another.

My eyes go from boy to boy but pause when I see Hansol still staring at me. His bangs made little shadows around his eyes, making him look menacing or something.

I stare back at him, my hands trembling and my lip quivering. He blinks a few times before moving his eyes up and down my body. I took a step back and accidentally kicked the door frame, earning everyone's attention.

"Oh, hey, Max. What'd your aunt say?" Joshua asks, wiping his hands with a napkin, and smiling at me. I purse my lips and tear my eyes away from Hansol. "Sh-sh-she just wanted to see if I was alright."

My voice is breaking, and it's becoming harder and harder to make it look like I'm strong when I'm really not.

Joshua furrows his eyebrows together and the rest of the boys begin to succumb the silence, being brought on by just the two of us. Seungcheol tilts his head and comments, "Well, you don't look like it. Are you okay?"

I nod my head immediately, trying my best to look alright. Am I doing well? Am I doing a good job?

The bright-smile boy turns around at me with a little pout on his face. "Maxima, do you not like the food?"

That's the question that I've been avoiding.

I love the food but now they're going to think that I don't. God, this is why my birth shouldn't have ever happened.

"I-I love the food." I say and their faces don't change. They don't believe me...

I sigh and slip my phone into my back pocket before trudging back to the seat, trying to avoid everyone's judgemental eyes.

"It's okay if you don't like it." Joshua adds and I just shake my head at him. "It's delicious," I defend, with the same foul, quiet voice I always have.

"I-I'm sorry I didn't say so before." Jihoon looks up at me when I say this and we meet each other's eyes. Surprisingly, he gives me a small smile and shows me his palm, nodding his head.

"You're totally fine." Joshua laughs, crinkles by his eyes appearing and I want to smile at how cute he looks.

"Yeah, super fine." I hear a voice add and I don't know who it is until Seungcheol glares and scolds, "Chan, stop it."

I want to vomit. Why am I here? Why do I even exist? What's even happening? Why aren't I pretty? What's the boy's name?

I look down at my lap until I hear someone turn on the water from the sink. "Hey," the nameless boy says. "You wanna go to my room?" My reaction probably wasn't the one he wanted, when I widened my eyes and pursed my lips.

He's too close to my face. "Uh, I was going to help whoever's washing the dishes." I explained and he scoffed.

"Chan's doing the dishes. He's watched too much tv. It's fine." The boy grabs my hand and pulls me up with him, which surprise me. I should've been way too heavy.