sunshine ☆彡 seokmin

ten

;;

He didn't let go of my hand, even after he introduced to me to Minghao and Junhui. They were incredibly handsome and their image still doesn't seem to fade in my mind.

The boy walks me back to the kitchen, my sweaty palm in his. How is this kid unfazed at how disgusting I am?

"KWON SOONYOUNG, IF YOU DON'T GET THE NAPKINS―" It's Jihoon, who we both see climbing on top of Hoshi, physically choking him, and cursing rapidly in Korean. I know this isn't something to laugh but oddly enough, I have to cover my mouth to not let any laughs come out from my mouth.

Everyone's shouting and while the noise should've made me panic, I was too busy trying to hold in my laughter. The boy notices and laughs, too. You can probably hear the angels in Heaven singing. It even makes me want to smile until Seungcheol slams a pair of chopsticks down onto the kitchen couner, shutting everyone up.

He's speaking in Korean to them and I see how both of their faces pale. I guess Seungcheol really is a dad.

Jeonghan stands behind him with hands at his hips, an irritated expression written in his eyes. And I'm guessing he's the mother...?

The boy lets go of my hand, walking to the scene, and I release a long breath. Had I been holding in my breath? I mean, I dd feel like I died so I guess I had been.

Jesus Christ, how can such a beautiful human being stand my hideous presence?

"Anyway," Joshua clears his throat and darts his eyes, from the two being scolded, to me. His smile could probably make world peace happen. "Max, ready to eat?"

My stomach growls and I really, really want to say no. How am I supposed to burn the calories off for today? God, if I weren't so fat and ugly, I wouldn't have to be dealing with this.

I bite my lip and close my eyes, feeling the spikes of a headache coming on. Joshua tilts his head and his eyes change from inviting to questioning. "Max?"

God, here we go again. Why do I always have to look helpless and in need of help? God, I'm so disgusting.

He walks over to me and I notice the boy from earlier turn around to me. Joshua stands right in front of me and looks down at me with obviously concerned eyes. He doesn't need to be concerned. I'm okay.

Plus if I'm dying, it's okay.

It's okay.

I think.

My head is literally throbbing. I forgot to take the stupid pills. Dang it. What an idiot I am.

"Hey, you okay, sweetie?" His voice is so beautiful.

I inhale and open my eyes before mustering all the falseness I could ever produce, by giving him a curt smile and nod. Joshua purses his lips and doesn't stop observing me. "Y-yeah, I-I-I just remembered I left some homework at school." His eyebrows arch and he nods at me, falling for my lie.

"Well, school can wait now since we're about to eat. Food is very important!" He pats my shoulder and I wince. Does he know...?

I nod, faking my agreement, and follow him to the sink, dodging the rest of the boys, who are too busy running around.

I'm too short for the sink so I literally sigh and try to tiptoe. Joshua smiles widely at me, watching me struggle to wash my hands. "How tall are you?" He asks, laughter escaping his lips.

When I'm done, I answer, "4'9." It's honestly embarrassing, how short I am compared to all of these guys. It's humiliating, not to mention how chubby I am. God, I'm such a nasty human being.

He smiles more and lets out a squeaky laugh. "That's really cute." Joshua comments and I freeze up, turning away from him.

Why does everyone lie to me?

I don't ignore him but I just move my mouth a little bit before he walks me to the table where Seungkwan is squirming around, ready to eat. I wish I was like him.

Thin and can eat anything he wants without worrying about his weight or skin or problems. He's so perfect. All these boys are.

I sit down near the edge, feeling bad for taking a seat, which Joshua told me to take twice. Hansol watches me from his seat, his eyes scarily dark. What is he thinking?

The rest join us and I'm so glad that they're so loud that they can't hear my stomach growling. This is the first full meal I've had all week. I shouldn't eat it. I don't deserve to eat it.

Wearing an apron, Seungcheol serves us and smiles at me when he serves me. He's lovely.

The nameless boy takes a seat next to me, informing us that Chan is playing video games instead. Seungcheol sighs as he sits down, listening to the bullcrap he probably gets from these guys daily.

He sighs and Jeonghan tries to calm his breathing, running his fingers through his long, silky hair.

"Lee Chan!" He yells, more Korean words following and his fingers going to his temples. Where are the parents? What is the connection to all these guys?

The food is Korean, obviously, but it oddly smells like the food my aunt makes. What the heck.

I don't know what it is but there's a lot to it. How did one guy make all this really quickly?

"It's bibimbap, if you're wondering." Joshua notes from across the table as he serves me a drink. I look up at him, but then realize that all eyes are on me. Well, at least most of them.

I nod and try to smile but the smell of food is painful. Seungcheol looks nervous as he looks at me, poking the chopsticks.

But he literally sighs when he notices me praying.

Joshua bows his head, too, and we mumble our thanks to God before grabbing the chopsticks. 

I want to cry. That's it. Just cry and maybe stab myself in the leg, for being such a stupid waste of space.

Everyone digs in and I feel my eyes stinging. No, heck no. I gotta fight it.

Seungcheol watches my hands but thank God, he doesn't see me blinking away my tears.

I smile at him and grab the chopsticks, no matter how much I don't want to. My trembling hands work the utensils and I pick up a coil of noodles before taking one into my mouth. Seungcheol grins at me and Jeonghan does a little dance.

I try to keep smiling at them but it burns my insides, Hansol's eyes moving from my face to my body. I suddenly want to go home.