Shattered

Chapter Eighteen: Shaken

       It was like I was trying to walk through cement the next day. I sat outside against the prison wall watching the walkers. Merle sat next to me and kept looking over at me. I rolled my eyes and turned to him. "Can I help you?" "You look like shit." "Thanks Merle. Just what every girl wants to hear." I put my head on my knees and tried to focus on something else. "Mary used to do that all the time." I bit my lip and looked over at Merle. "Sometimes I forget you lost her too." I turned and laid my head on his lap. I tried not to look as lost as I really was. A small smile went across his face. I wondered if he was picturing Mary instead of me. It's not fair to Merle to lose so much. I know no one really likes him but he's such a sweetheart when you get past the fact he's an ass. "I think I love him.." He tensed up slightly and looked down at me. "Not surprisin'. My brother was always the sweet one." "You're every bit as good as him Merle. Don't forget that please. I can't lose you as well." "You'll get over it when I go." 

        Daryl stood next to Hershel and talked to Rick while I was on watch. I was curious to know what they were talking about. The door opened and Maggie smiled at me. "I brought you a water." "Thanks.."

"What's up with you and Merle?" "We're just close is all. Where's Glenn?" She pointed over to the gate where he was fixing a small hole. We stood next to eachother watching the day go by. Time seems to go by so slow now. There's nothing to really keep you busy. "You're getting worse." "Imagine that." She brushed against me making me cringe. I slowly lowered my hand down from my side and Maggie liftd my shirt before I could stop her. "How long has this been this way?" "A few days. Nothing you can really do about it." I looked down at the infected cut and sighed.

        "We need to tell my dad." "Why? To tell him about something he can't deal with? We don't have any medical supplies, Maggie." "I'll make a run." Memories of Daryl laying on the ground covered with walkers falshed through my mind. "No. The Governor has every road covered. You'll be killed." She looked at me with sad eyes and ran out of the tower. The only people who actually worry about me can't do anything to help me. For the most part I was healing just fine. Carol walked up and traded me places. I went back inside and didn't stop to talk to anyone. I was drifting away from everyone and I liked it. There's no point in getting too close.

         "Ellis! Have you seen Merle?" "No." I followed him down to the last place he saw Merle and looked around. Rick came running in and stopped when he saw me. "He took Michonne to the Governor." I ran back to my cell and grabbed my guns. I put them on my back and got outside. "Where are you going?" "To get him. You coming?" I got on Nelly and Daryl followed my lead. Rick opened the gate and we were gone. I stopped next to Michonne who shot a glare up at me. "Where's Merle?" "Went to the Governor." Of course he did. I had a terrible feeling about not making it there in time.

         We got off Nelly and slowly made our way into the Governor's territory. We looked at the walkers around but didn't really need to shoot any of them. We came up to one and instantly stopped. There in front of us stood Merle. His chest was covered in blood and he was flesh coming out of his mouth. He looked so gone.. My eyes met his and I felt sicker than ever before. Every word we ever shared went through my mind breaking my heart. From the moment I found him in Atlanta to this morning. Daryl shoved him back and tried to put off killing him. He kept shoving him out of anger.  Tears rolled down my face when Daryl fell to the ground with him. I watched him plunge his knife into Merle's skull over and over again. He dropped his knife with shaky hands and fell back. I kneeled next to him and put my arms around him. I looked down at the knife and closed my eyes. I knew Merle gave it to him on Daryl's first hunting trip. I laid my head on Daryl's and tried to keep from crying. I took his face in my hands and stopped. His eyes were full of so much pain and remorse and I didn't know how to make it go away. I helped him off the ground and wiped his knife off on my pants. He kept looking down at Merle. I finally looked down and had to lean on the old building. I puked and Daryl lightly put his hand on my back. I couldn't move. I was afraid to break down even more.