Jily/Marauders HeavenCannons: Book 1

SNAPE IN DADA

"This lesson began ten minutes ago, Potter, so I think we'll make it ten points from Gryffindor. Sit down."

James: Ten points!?!?!?! G.I.T!!!!

But Harry didn't move.
"Where's Professor Lupin?" he said.
"He says he is feeling too ill to teach today," said Snape with a twisted smile.

Lily: Ill?? I hope he's fine.

James: It must be full moon. And look how happy Snivellus seems to be!

"I believe I told you to sit down?"
But Harry stayed where he was.
"What's wrong with him?"
Snape's black eyes glittered.

James: I swear if that git tells them about Moony's lycanthropy, I'll return to Hogwarts as ghost and haunt him for the rest of his life!!!

Lily: Whoa! James! Calm down, will you??

"Nothing life-threatening," he said, looking as though he wished it were. "Five more points from Gryffindor, and if I have to ask you to sit down again, it will be fifty."

James: Merlin Snivellus!! You would take zillion points because the Gryffindors are breathing, if they permit!!!

Harry walked slowly to his seat and sat down. Snape looked around at the class. "As I was saying before Potter interrupted, Professor Lupin has not left any record of the topics you have covered so far --"
"Please, sir, we've done boggarts, Red Caps, kappas, and grindylows," said Hermione quickly, "and we're just about to start --"
"Be quiet," said Snape coldly. "I did not ask for information. I was merely commenting on Professor Lupin's lack of organization."

James: Lack of organization?? LACK OF ORGANIZATION??????

Lily: How dare he say that about my perfect Remus???

James: Jealous slug!

"He's the best Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher we've ever had," said Dean Thomas boldly, and there was a murmur of agreement from the rest of the class. Snape looked more menacing than ever.
"You are easily satisfied. Lupin is hardly overtaxing you -- I ,Would expect first years to be able to deal with Red Caps and grindylows. Today we shall discuss --" Harry watched him flick through the textbook, to the very back chapter, which he must know they hadn't covered.

James: Did you just forget about Quirrell and Lockhart??? Curse you, greasy git!!!!

Lily: Why are you so determined to humiliate Remus??? And Dean dear, love from heaven!!

"Werewolves," said Snape.
"But, sir," said Hermione, seemingly unable to restrain herself, "we're not supposed to do werewolves yet, we're due to start hinkypunks --"
"Miss Granger," said Snape in a voice of deadly calm, "I was under the impression that I am teaching this lesson, not you. And I am telling you all to turn to page 394." He glanced around again. 'All of you! Now!"
With many bitter sidelong looks and some sullen muttering, the class opened their books.
"Which of you can tell me how we distinguish between the werewolf and the true wolf?" said Snape.

James: THAT GIT....... HE'S TRYING TO..... MY MOONY!!!!

Lily: The exact difference between Remus and yourself, Snape!!!!!

Everyone sat in motionless silence; everyone except Hermione, whose hand, as it so often did, had shot straight into the air.
"Anyone?" Snape said, ignoring Hermione. His twisted smile was back. "Are you telling me that Professor Lupin hasn't even taught you the basic distinction between --"
"We told you," said Parvati suddenly, "we haven't got as far as werewolves yet, we're still on --"
"Silence!" snarled Snape. "Well, well, well, I never thought I'd meet a third-year class who wouldn't even recognize a werewolf when they saw one. I shall make a point of informing Professor Dumbledore how very behind you all are...."
"Please, sir," said Hermione, whose hand was still in the air, "the werewolf differs from the true wolf in several small ways. The snout of the werewolf --"
"That is the second time you have spoken out of turn, Miss Granger," said Snape coolly. "Five more points from Gryffindor for being an insufferable know-it-all."

Lily: Oh no, you didn't!

James: THEY'RE MERE KIDS! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO THEM, YOU SULKY SMELLING GIT!!!

Lily: James.... calm down, honey.

James: Tell me again how you became friends!!!

Ron said loudly, "You asked us a question and she knows the answer! Why ask if you don't want to be told?" The class knew instantly he'd gone too far. Snape advanced on Ron slowly, and the room held its breath.
"Detention, Weasley," Snape said silkily.

James: Appreciation to Weasley from heaven!!!!

A/N: Waaaayyyy big chappie....I know... but I want you all to feel the situation....

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