Unspoken (Kaylor)

Chapter 6: Importance

A/N: Longest chapter for unspoken so far :)

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There's always a certain void that can only be filled by someone who's dear.

(xxx)

One of Taylor's biggest insecurities is her importance. A lot of things had made her feel worthless, including bashers and nay-sayers.

She's pretty sure that untalented and stupid weren't the fitting words for her. A lot of people say that she's talented and amazing, but in the sea of compliments, there's always this one comment that would make her feel so bad about herself.

She hated it. She hated feeling this way. She hated feeling like all of the negative things that they're saying in just a blink of an eye. And getting 'the confidence' back requires a lot of time and effort. Sometimes, what she even needs is reassurance that she's not all of the things that her bashers or 'not so polite critics' are saying.

Today, however, she felt stupid.

While walking to her dressing room, she felt like a zombie, fresh right out of a coffin. She wasn't showing any emotions. No smiles, no tears, no frown. . . Nothing. She's just wearing a straight face. She was even dreading to perform in the first place but she has to. Her personal life shouldn't affect her career, and she's doing this because she loves her fans as well.

If there's one thing that can describe her right now. It's called emotionless, and being emotionless means feeling . . . Empty.

It was just like how she felt throughout this year. . . Empty. Sure there are moment of extreme happiness where she just couldn't help but to feel amazing and blissful but after a few minutes or hours, she's back to feeling 'empty.'. She knows that she should be grateful for all of the good things that has happened to her but then she couldn't help it. There's always something that's missing. She felt incomplete.

When she got inside her dressing room, she saw something on the vanity table. A freakin' coffee tumbler with a sticky note.

"Coffee? Two tbsp. of sugar and low fat milk just like how you wanted it :D Good luck today! Let's do our best! - K. K."

You're a flirt! A god damn flirt, Karlie Elizabeth Kloss!

She knew that she doesn't have the right to feel angry. She didn't even envisioned that everything would turn out like this. That Karlie would even talk to her after ending everything with a social media block, new number and finally saying, goodbye. She knew that she regret everything that she has done, that everything was out of pure impulsivity and stupidity -- but, what the hell!? -- why is her heart clenching? Clenching so bad that she just wants to rip it out of her chest.

The memories were too fresh as if everything had just happened yesterday. She couldn't forget all of their chats, Sunshine, Unspoken, For You, her feelings, her tears, the confrontation and Karlie's explanation that she never had a chance to listen to.

More bitter than a pure black coffee, she just stared at the tumbler. Even tempted to pour the coffee down the bathroom sink. She just wants this night to be over and just lock herself into her hotel room. She doesn't even want to move a muscle, her mind's a tangled mess for her body to function.

But she doesn't have a choice. She needs to perform tonight even if she doesn't feel alright.

Walls up, mask on, flash a smile, go with the flow.

When she heard a knock at the door and a voice yelling, "The concert will start in 10 minutes." She heaved a sigh and changed, letting the coffee sit on the table, untouched.