Wasted Time

Chapter 38

Emily's POV

I doodled a couple of flowers along the edge of my paper as I had a few more minutes left to wait before my lecture started. I always found it difficult to sit still without doing something with my hands, and I wanted to have something to look at, as none of the people I talked to often were here yet.

A couple of people filtered in through the doors, and I looked up every time they swung open, but neither the professor nor any friendly faces entered. After a while, I stopped looking up, and concentrated on lightly shading a couple of petals in red. I had managed to tune out of the meaningless buzz of conversation, but I noticed when it gradually died down, and glanced up at the front of the room, wondering if the lecturer was finally here.

My heart jumped and sank simultaneously at the sight of the figure standing in the middle of the room, causing me to feel sick. I had been avoiding Luke for so long, and here he was, standing in my lecture, with his hands in his pockets as though he belonged there. The other students had gone quiet, staring at him curiously. His eyes scanned the crowd, and I suddenly realised that he hadn't even seen me yet.

I clenched my jaw, furious at him for strolling back into my life so casually and without warning. I wanted to yell at him to leave, that he had no right to be here, but I didn't want to draw attention to myself, and the words stuck in my throat as I waited for him to finally catch sight of me. Eventually, his blue eyes rested on me, and I felt my cheeks heat up as the rest of the audience turn to look at me.

"Emily," he said, and his voice boomed through the silent room.

"Luke," I said, trying to sound nonchalant and confident, but it came out as a nervous whisper.

"I need to talk to you." I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down.

"Can we do this later? My lecture's about to start."

"Emily, you've been avoiding me for months. Do you really expect me to believe that you're willing to listen?"

"Luke... no..." I said, feeling more embarrassed than I could ever remember before. "Please don't do this." Everyone else in the room was silent, watching our awkward exchange. "You're not even supposed to be here," I said weakly.

"I had no other choice," he said, stepping behind the professor's lectern as if he was giving a lecture. "Please, just give me a chance, just listen to what I have to say. I know you don't want to hear it this way, but I've tried to explain it all before, and you've refused to listen to me." I bit my lip.

"Luke, you can't do this here. You can't do this now."

"Come outside, then," he offered.

"I can't miss this lecture!" I protested. "It's really important to me!"

"You're just going to avoid me again," he said, shaking his head. "I need you to listen. I know you're angry at me. I get that, and I'm sorry. I messed up." I was struck dumb, unable to protest because I was so embarrassed that everyone in the whole room was hearing about our relationship. I could see a few of the girls whispering to each other and pointing at Luke, letting me know that they had recognised him. "You shouldn't be angry at Ashton –"

"I'm not."

"Right..." He exhaled deeply. "I'm not going to try and justify what I did, because it's just going to be pointless, stupid excuses. I wouldn't forgive me for that, and there's no reason you should. But I realised straight away that I'd made the wrong choice. I tried to explain to you... I never wanted to break up, I was going to keep seeing you in secret. You never gave me the chance to talk to you."