Spinning around again

Chapter 18

2 months later

Me and Jack where back together and this time we'd taken it slow. We'd gone over everything, all our feelings and thoughts. We'd spent less time together so we didn't feel as if we where being suffocated. Jack had been talking to me when he got overwhelmed and he seemed to be getting happier with the idea of being a father. But I wasn't getting any happier or better. I was snappy and anger so much more. I tried blaming it on hormones and baby stress but to be fair I'm not sure it was anything to do with the baby. I was struggling really struggling. It wasn't that I felt alone, I know i was loved and cared for. But everything just felt like a ton of bricks hitting me ever day. I think i was becoming depressed and that scared the hell out of me and to make it worse when ever I tried to speak to anyone about it I just couldn't. The words would just vanish from my mouth even if I knew what I wanted to say. So like the stupid girl I'm I put on a smile and laughed and giggled so that no one knew. But every night I'd pull Jack closer to me and breath in his chocolate scent and remind myself it would be ok. Everyday I'd just sit and watch Kelly as she worked and I'd watch Anna do the dinner. I'd wrap my arms around Jack waist and swish his fingers while we went shopping. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't but I wasn't giving up not. So I'd decided to go to my doctor ask for some help. No one would ever know. I told Jack I was going out to the library, he didn't question me. He just looked up from his morning coffee and smiled
"See you later baby." He said
I smiled back and closed the door behind me. The doctors wasn't very busy but the waiting line seemed to take forever. I put in my head phones and listened to some quite music tapping gently on my belly.
"Elsa?" The doctor called out
I nodded getting up putting my phone into my bag and followed him into his room. Where we sat down and then with all the blocked up words I mumbled
"I think I'm becoming depressed." It was a stutter but honestly it felt good to tell someone
Noah nodded, the doctor, and pulled up some things on the computer.
"Your pregnant right?"
I nodded
"Ok, congratulations," he said "4 months, is your partner aware of this?"
I nodded again
"Good. Have you told him how your feeling?"
I shook my head.
"I just... Can't get the words out."
Noah nodded understandingly
"It's quite common for pregnant women to become depressed, it's all the hormones in your body sometimes that can do wonders and unfortunately sometimes they don't. I totally understand how it feels so what I'm going to do is give you some names of the depressed groups you can go to, all for free, all work wonders on women and I want you to go along and have fun and then I know it's none of my business but I want you to tell your partner too, anyone friends, family because they can help you so much."
I nodded
"I will." This was most likely a lie I didn't think I was going to tell anyone
"Good here you go." He handed me the information and then sent me away, telling me to come back if it got worse.
Still not ready to go home yet I decided to go for a coffee. I ordered my favourite coffee and climbed into the window set slowly.

"Elsa?" Came a surprised voice
I turned around confused to see my old best friend Gavin from college.
"Gavin?!" I said jumping down happily and hugging him before pulling back embarrassed
"Sorry. I just... Haven't seen you in so long." I mumbled but Gavin laughed and sat down next to me
He looked well, his green eyes still sparkled and his hair was still floppy and blonde but he had a little stumble.
"How are you?" I asked excitedly
"I'm good yeah, very good. I actually just moved in across the street. But what about you?"
I grinned
"You'll never guess." I said giggling "I'm pregnant!"
His eyes opened in shock and he smiled shocked.
"Congratulations baby." He said leaning in a hugging me again
"I should have known, your skins glowing."
"Oh don't start you." I replied sipping my coffee
"So who's the lucky man to have you as a wife?" Gavin asked
I shook my head softly
"No we're not married. We're taking it slow. But you have you got anyone in your life?"
"Sweetie the only one that says they love me is my mum." Gavin replied chuckling softly
I laughed alone with him
"Oh it's ok Gav," the old nickname was back "I love you. Say you should come round for dinner? Do you remember Kate?"
He nodded "Well I live with her now."
Gavin looked confused
"You used to hate each other!" He said
"Yeah don't know what happened really but now I can't live without her. She'll be happy to see you again. Are you free tomorrow? I can make my famous pasta if  your not." I said trying to bait him in
Gavin nodded
"Oh I'll be there trust me, I'm not having take out when I can have your pasta." He promised
"Great."
I scribbled down the time and address and told him not to worry about being things. Then he congratulated me once again and hugged me tightly promising to see me tomorrow and left waving goodbye happily. Sighing I went back to reading the information posters and decided to ring them up.
"Hello?" Came a bubble females voice
"Hi, is this the pregnancy depression group?" I asked
"Yep that's us, would you like to come along? Or is it for a friend."
"No, no it's just me, I'm Elsa by the way."
"Great nice to met you Elsa I'm Susan. So we're having a meting on Saturday at noon at the little town hall in(made up place). Do you know the place?"
"Yeah. I'll be there. Do I need to bring anything?" I asked scribbled down everything and then hung up.
Ready to go home.