i'm curled up on the sidewalk. an explosion, white hot searing pain, and deafeningly loud; a force so strong I was sent flying backwards. it wasn't a physical explosion, but it had all the aspects of one. words dripping with venom burned my skin. just the yelling itself hammered into my ears and made my existence that of a mouse. anger was thrown at me so hard it knocked me backwards. the feeling in my stomach forced tears out of my eyes, and i didn't fight it.
i finally fought the lion, whose teeth gnawed on our bones longer than i was alive. all of my pent up anger broke the dam. with my accusations came consequences; consequences with a force equivalent to an explosion.
the sidewalk cools my burning skin. the cool night air soothes my mind like a mother nurturing a child. the rich blue of the sky is like a ceiling of a house safer than i've ever had. it's so calming, i feel as if i'm not physically here, but that i'm engrossed in a painting.
i know at one point this peacefulness will be over; that i may never have this again. i will have to go back to my house with the short fuse and the extinguisher. i will have to place my words carefully with a steady hand, or savor the mood. i will then worry again, but now is not the time.
- java
YOU ARE READING
diaphanous
Poetrydiaphanous is a collection of various poems written by java around 2014-2016 about enduring parental emotional abuse and bullying at school as well as navigating through major depression, social anxiety, and generalized anxiety.
