Dear Diary

Chapter 4

Dear diary,

This week has been kind of crazy. There is this website called 'ask.fm' and this was causing a lot of troubles. I got accused for asking myself questions and I am it I did, but that was only questions that I deleted. I just pretty much gave up and since M, A and N has confronted me way too many times, I just deleted my account. This is better for everyone. I think they took it as me giving in for asking myself questions. Since I just want them to be happy, I just let them be you know? I love defending myself but in this situation, I think I should let it be. 

My new best friends will be named Nic, B, ash and lucy. If you could tell, two are girls, and the other two are gay fags. I love them all and we have no secrets. I took in as much advice from m, a and n as I can and it really helps. There was this girl named Selly, and I found out a deep secret about her. I havnt even to,d anyone yet so I think I'm doing pretty well. Du is my sports coach and he kind of complimented and critisised me. Our team was training and he just pointed me out and said, 'I know you can set really well.' And pointed straight at me. Honestly, I was kind of flattered he pointed at me, but I shouldn't get my hopes up should I? 

I didn't really think about this but Nic pointed this out. After a few weeks, I may never see Du ever, EVER again. That really sunk in today. I just broke down and cried for about 20 minutes and then I just realised that what the hell was I doing? Crying into a pillow won't help me get closer to him. So I took a step forward and just talked to him on facebook. After talking to D I realised that I shouldn't shorten anything I say. I still sometimes do out of habit but its not healthy. Also, it's unattractive. I'm also trying to get a banging body. I was talking to Lucy yesterday and we just spilt everything about everyone and how we feel. We talked about how girls like Selly and how she wants a good body, but we realised that the only good use for a good body is a boys lust. Its disgusting. I just want a body to reel him in and attitude to make him stay you know? I have changed quite a lot throughout the 3 weeks holidays so this is the time to make it work. But sometimes, I don't want tot all to him because it would annoy him. Wow, this is crazy aha. I go running for about ~9.5 hours a week so I think it would be nice. Also, it releases my stress and it's fun! 

The group (me nic b ash lucy) went to see the conjuring yesterday. It had a really good storyline and it was scary at times but oh well. This lady thought I was 10. TEN. IM TALLER THAN THAT RIGHT? 165cm. Isn't that taller than a freaking 10 year old? Lucy couldn't go though. Sad huh? After everyone went home, it was just me Byron and nic. I got subway and they got KFC and we just talked. We were talking about crushes and nic told me, 'Sakura, no matter what, we are all here for you. When you break, we will get superglue and put you back together. Also, you can use your tennis skills to hit his balls' honestly, I don't think I can find a better boy best friend. Don't worry, we are all in eachothers friendzones so it's fine. I still go to a, n and m for advice because I can't find better advice givers.

Why is he so quiet? Why is he so sad? why can't i be his source of happiness? I think that i think about this everyday. To be honest, i think anyone would choose M over me. I think he would. I guess they all go for the pretty ones right? Sad huh? Today, im just really negative you know?

-Sakura