Dear Diary

Chapter 19

Dear diary,

So I'm currently on vacation right now and on a long long LONG car ride. Thankfully, my mum rented us a bus. For the past 5-10 minutes, a lot of things have gone through my mind. Everything bad I have done and how I see myself.

I honestly try to see myself as lucky. I have amazing friends I can rely on, a sister who I would die for, my parents and I have an amazing relationship and I am exactly where I want to be in highschool. Well, y, grades aren't that great this term but hey, 2014! So I have thought about everything from term 1-4 in 2013. Everyone I swear I'll never do again. Here is just a minor list.

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So I thing I have mentioned this before but here I go.

In about term 1-2 I made a lot off stupid mistakes. I was the person that you would hate to be around. Selfish and self-centred. I wanted to be in everyone's business and A's biffle pointed something out to me that I didn't want to know.

I made drama big.

Ok when I say big, I mean bigger than the universe big.

I just didn't realise it.

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Continuing with the mistakes from term 1-2, I 'confronted' this girl named Harriot. It wasn't a confrontation. It was bullying. I sent her a massive paragraph on FACEBOOK. YES FACEBOOK. I WAS COWARDLY. We fought to and fro on Facebook and to me, it seemed like I was defending my friends, M, A and N. They told me stories about her and I wrote it in the paragraph. I didn't want to put any blame on them so I took most of the blame. The things that were in that paragraph are things I would never say in real life.

She called me crying. She got ahold of my number and called ,e crying. It was also her birthday night. She went up to see her facebook notifications and saw that massive paragraph of bullshit.

I'm a major bitch. I look at myself as a bitch and whoever is reading this, after reading everything on here, you can't NOT call me a bitch. I'm not fishing. I'm stating how I see myself.

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Do you ever feel like you're exaggerating something when you're not?

So a while ago, I broke down to N and told her my life story. Thing is, I was literally crying thorough out telling her all of this. When I read it back, I thought to myself, am I exaggerating? When I was in the fight with A, M and N, they all said I exaggerate stuff. I just know big words from primary.

I was the person who people would describe as disgusting I guess.

In my head, I felt like I was exaggerating but the other side of my brain told me it was exactly how my life was like.

I also felt like I was a complaining, whining dog. I only know the full life stories of a few people. My biffle, my other best guy friend Bray, this other guy in my class S, my grade seven best friend, Nikki and the best sister in the world, Kim.

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So for vacation, ou family went to Vietnam! It's quite a dirty place but at the same time, it's one of the most welcoming. If you are taller than 155cm, you are considered one of those long legged models. Im not even kidding. Not to brag, but I have been asked out a few times on the street but the best way to turn them down is to ignore them!!

Thing is, in Vietnam, there are poor people everywhere. There are even old women in the streets, if I could, I would hand everything I own to them. It really makes you feel lucky with what you have.

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I just realised that a majority if my best memories are when I hang out with Jason, Trisha and the gang. I find myself content and happy because they don't judge me on rumours. I think that's what I hate most about my school everyone believes the most 'powerful' person.

-Sakura