Dear Diary

Chapter 5

Dear diary, 

Sometimes I wish there was something more between me and du. I mean, volleyball is our only connection and other people share it. I know I will sound greedy but I want something more. A relationship would be nice but isn't it illegal for an 18 year old to date a 14 year old? To be honest, I read somewhere online that whatever your parents age gap is, that's going to be the age gap of your 'soul mate'. Scary thing is that my mum is 39 and my dad is 43. Aha I was laughing for a bit. And realised, the age gap is the same with me and Du. What if he's 'the one.'  

His birthday is really soon and I'm not sure what to get him so I asked N. she told me it was weird and I shouldn't get anything for him at all. Is it true that its weird? I mean would it be obvious that I like him? 

Yesterday, I plays volleyball because in Chinese, me and Nicole got offered a game. For some reason, we accepted. We were just playing and it was all fun and games until people shouted out 'Sakura, you suck! HAHAHAHA' ouch. To be honest, I know what to do in volleyball. I just need to polish. I can't set for the world, I can't dig perfectly, but I can at,east play unlike the girls who avoid every ball. I was just digging and it went out and A just corrected me. Sure if she does it sometimes I can handle it but if she says it every, single, f*cking time, I will just snap. She missed a set and she was like oops. I was so tempted to shout out, 'IF YOU AREMT PERFECT, THEN DON'T CORRECT ME B*TCH!!!' Anyone can tell she picks on me. Then she asked why I was down. Last year, everything was fun. I looked forward to volleyball because there were compliments and criticism throughout the games, this year, I don't think anyone knows what they are anymore. We had like a family last year. It's too different this year. A is really cocky. She's really funny at times but the criticism really gets to me you know? At training, everything was booring. D thought it was and I felt like a major disappointment in the team. I couldn't get anything right.  I think I might quit the team if this keeps up.i desperately want to move up the ladder to et better but A is like a barrier. 

M and N also asked what happened but I don't want to tell them. I lied when I said I didn't know how to describe it, I just don't want them to be troubled anymore. They already delt with my sh!t so I'll deal with this now. Somehow. I agreed wi myself that if A bugs me one more time, I will talk to her since its really getting to me. D still jokes around with me though. I talked to him about our other coach, Manny. I told him that sometimes, manny goes too far with the criticism. I talked to him ago what I have to improve on and most of the time, he jokes about how he would superglue my feet to the floor. I then told him that I caught him jumping when we were practising setting yesterday. 

Sakura-1

D-0

We went to bed after that. HAHA THAT SOUNDED SO WRONG OMG HAHA. anyway, today nic told me that B was kind f overreacting. I admit he did since he didn't sit with us at all at lunch. Nic wants to apologise but B won't let him. It's just really lonely these days. I'm going to make this work though. It's better for them. I feel like I'm bad luck. If I were alone, would everything be better?

Music helps with everything i swear. I was in the worste mood in math today and then i started listening to music and Hey Souls Sister came on. I literally just started working at max speed and got in the best mood ever. I got some weird looks from people but think what you think! I can't give two shits about you xx.

-Sakura