Nothing lasts forever

Not again

"Say word you think he's up to something?", Alyssia said gripping my hands, looking me straight in my eyes. "I don't know, I just don't want to get hurt again", my voice wavered. Chris wouldn't cheat would he? He said he loved me and you're not supposed to cheat on the one you love. "Chris loves you remember, way more than Isiah did. He's not gonna do you like Isiah did.", Alyssia rubbed my knuckles gently. "How'd you know for sure?", she stayed silent and looked down letting go of my hands.

The front door opened and we both craned our necks to see who it was. It was Jermaine but he was alone. "Hey baby where's Chris?", Alyssia hugged him, "we spoke earlier and he said he was busy doing things", Jermaine shrugged. "You spoke to him earlier?", I asked, he nodded, "why?". "Well it's just when I called it went straight to voicemail", I sighed and went upstairs to my room flopping on my bed with defeat. I went onto Snapchat skipping through all the stories until came to Chris, "Yo Snapchat I'm out here bored af" "Yeah snap us". I stared at my screen in shock, so Chris decided not to answer my call but he's out here making a story with some other girl about he's bored?! I tried to re-watch the story but it was deleted. I ran downstairs to Alyssia and Jermaine who seemed to be upset, "we saw it too", Jermaine said with sadness evident in his eyes. "I'm so sorry TT", Alyssia rushed up to me engulfing me in a hug. "You wanna chill with us down here for a while?", Jermaine asked wrapping his arm around my shoulder attempting to comfort me, "no thanks I'll be in my room if you need me". I took off my ring staring at my hand, it seemed so bare without it, life seemed so bare without him.

After hours of thinking, arguing with myself and crying I eventually fell asleep. Until I woke up to the sound of a doorbell, I got out of bed and shuffled downstairs slowly, the doorbell kept ringing repeatedly. I sighed and opened it to see Chris standing there smiling, "hey baby", he said hugging me but my arms remained limp and by my sides. "So what were you just doing", he asked stepping into the house, "sleeping", I said bluntly yawning. "Oh well maybe I could join you, but we won't be doing much sleeping", he smirked wrapping his arms around my waist. "Chris, you smell very feminine", I said removing his arms from around me, "feminine? Me? Girl you playing", he laughed rubbing the back of his neck. I rolled my eyes and played with my hands he looked down and noticed the ring wasn't on. "Where's your ring?", I stayed silent feeling my tears start to gather, "you saw the story didn't you?", I nodded yet still remained silent. The tension was thick in the air as my tears rolled slowly down my cheeks, "who is she?". "No one", he said sitting down, "if she's no one then why were you with her?". "I don't know, company I guess", "company! What's wrong with me? Am I not good enough company? What did you guys even do?", I could feel my cheeks start to warm and my heart start to race with anger and frustration. "Nothing's wrong with you baby. We just went to the movies, went out to eat then we went back to her to place to chill", he sighed. "Chill?, Chilling makes children Chris. Did you have sex with her?", he looked down at his shoes humming a tune. "Did you have sex with her?", I repeated a little louder. He stayed silent but nodded, standing up attempting to walk towards me but I moved back, "please don't be like this, I'm sorry", he hugged me reading his head on my shoulder and his hands on my lower back. "Get off me Chris", he  tuoheld on tighter kissing my neck and I felt absolutely disgusted. "You have the audacity to touch me and kiss me after you've been with her?! You make me sick", I pushed him off me and turned away trying to gather my thoughts. "Please forgive me, I love you", I heard his voice crack as though he wanted to cry and as I turned round I saw a tear fall - that just made me cry even more. He ran to me picking me up in his arms squeezing me tight, "I'm so lucky to have you, I'm honestly so sorry. Please let me show you how sorry I am". "I would feel vile if you showed me how sorry you are, now go shower, I'm going to bed".

I rolled into bed sighing, and soon felt the bed shift due to the weight being put on it, "I love you Tiana", he murmured against my neck, hugging me from behind. "Who is she, Chris, honestly". He let go of me and propped up on his elbow and I turned round doing the same looking him in the eyes. "Her name is Keisha, I met her one time at a party last year and since then we've been on and off. She doesn't live that far from here actually. She around your height, she from Grenada and Thailand, but she ain't got nothing on you", he smiled kissing my forehead, "anything else you wanna know?", I thought for a while thinking if I really wanted to know the answer or not, "yeah actually, why did you do it?", he lay back down rubbing his forehead. "Well I guess I did it for excitement, for something new and different. It's not that you weren't exciting it's just wanted that adrenaline rush of sneaking around it was exhilarating and made me feel powerful", he shut his eyes exhaling. "How long have you been cheating on me for?", "2 months", I glanced at him and he looked at peace with his eyes shut. I turned around with my back facing him and cried quietly until eventually falling asleep. I felt weak for allowing him back into my life, I was a queen yet here I was being played, am I being a fool?

I heard a knock on my door and light footsteps approaching the bed."TT, why is Chris downstairs making breakfast. I would of kicked his ass out long time ago. Yesterday evening I heard you guys talking, he doesn't deserve you because you're way to good for him". I sat up looking at Alyssia who seemed upset, "if I leave him then who would I have? I'd be alone and I hate being alone you know I do. Who will love me? I want to be loved". She gripped me by my shoulders, "him cheating on you is not love. Just because he says he loves you doesn't mean he always means it, you're beautiful, intelligent, funny you can move on quickly, you have worth and value you don't need him you just want him there's a difference". I slid out of bed and put on my slides as I shuffled to the ensuite to wash my face. I couldn't bear to look in the mirror incase I was ashamed to see who was staring back at me.

"Good morning baby", Chris pecked my cheek cheerfully. "Morning", I replied bluntly still thinking about what Alyssia said. "Here I made you breakfast", he smiled pushing the plate in front of me, "thank you, but I'm not hungry. You might as well go home or go to Keisha's", I stood up and went to living room. "Morning Tiana, how's you and Chris?", Jermaine asked. "Rocky I guess.", I ran my hands through my hair gently de-tangling it. "I guessed they would be, I heard you guys talking after Chris came in. I'm so sorry Tiana I didn't think he was the type to do this sort of thing", Jermaine shook his head.