King of the Wilderwest

A Party and Elephants With Anger Issues

Why, oh why, did he do this? I mean, the Thing is bad enough, but...

A party?

Apparently it was ancient tradition to have a party the first day of the Thing. Traditions like those are highly inconvenient when you've known your greatest enemy, Alvin the Treacherous, was alive for a month. There had been two other Alvin sightings, one in Hysteria and one in Black Heart Bay. There was no doubt that Alvin was alive.

Hiccup kept an eagle eye on his wife and daughter, while at the same time greeting Mogadon the Meathead. Couldn't they see he had more important things to do? No. One of his father's first lessons had been, A Chief's duty is to his people. Apparently it applied to Kings too. So, he was stuck talking to Mogadon while his sweet, vulnerable little girl was in plain sight! Okay, sure she was hanging out with Stupendous, Humungous's son. Yes, weird name, but who was he to judge? After all, he was named Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the Third.

Hiccup's attention snapped back to Mogodon the Meathead. "Sorry, Mogodon. I'm a bit preoccupied with the Alvin situation." Mogodon smiled warmly. "Eh, don't worry, I was just saying the party is great." Hiccup gave an uncomfortable smile. "Thanks. Oh, hey Thuggory!" This last remark was made in the general direction of Thuggory, Mogodon's heir. Thuggory and Hiccup had formed a strong friendship after how Thuggory supported Hiccup in his plot to kill the Green Death, and Thuggory was the first of Alvin's men to defect and take the Dragonmark for him.

"King Hiccup, you should really at least try to enjoy yourself." Hiccup frowned. "But my family-" Thuggory interrupted, even though it was considered extremely rude to interrupt the King. "They'll be fine. They have more guards around them than you did when you first became King and the Company of the Dragonmark was worried about assassination attempts. I'll watch them. Besides, every tribe is freaking out about Alvin being back. They need to see you relaxed and in control." Hiccup sighed and put his hand to his face. "Fine, but only an hour."

Behind the curtains, a sinister man with a hook for a hand grinned evilly. "Oh, Hiccup. Enjoy your party- while you still can!" The man, who was indeed Alvin, cackled and drew a knife.

---

Hiccup was attempting to mingle. Difficult when all the people are either hostile, suck ups, or old friends. Fishlegs wasn't here, he hated social gatherings of any sort. Can't blame him. If attending parties wasn't a requirement of being King, Hiccup would be hiding in his room too. Hiccup was socializing with Red Ronald, the new chief of the Hysterics. Hiccup had appointed him, remembering Red Ronald's kindness when he had been kidnapped by Norbert the Nutjob.

Unfortunately, Red Ronald wasn't the sharpest axe in the armory. They were having a completely dull conversation on military defenses (Red Ronald's one and only strong point) when Hiccup's old friend, Humungous, saved him. "Hello, my King! Can we talk?" Hiccup nodded and allowed himself to be lead into a corner of the room, next to some drapes.

"Hiccup, it'll be fine. Tantrum and I will protect your family with our lives." Hiccup sighed. Only Fishlegs and Camicazi came close to understanding exactly how dangerous Alvin is. "That's great, Humungous, and I'll be forever grateful, but you can't understand exactly how mad Alvin is. I know you had a rather cruel run-in with Alvin, but deceit and thievery is barely scratching the surface of what he's capable of. To put it simply, Alvin is practically indestructible. He's survived a Monstrous Strangulator, Sharkworms, a Fire Dragon, Berserkers, the dragon Furious, Grimbeard's booby traps, the dragon guardians, and he manages to escape each time I try to have a good, honest swordfight! It's absolutely ridiculous!" Hiccup panted a little, finished with his rant. "Are you done? Good. Yes, I know Alvin's a master of escape, but if he's indestructible, you're invincible! You've escaped nearly every situation he's been in as well, and you still have all your limbs! Just stop, Hiccup. Remember, your people look to you in uncertain times. It doesn't do them any good to see a paranoid, fearful, nervous leader who is helpless! They need a fighter, someone who looks capable even when he's not! Believe it or not, that's you! Ingrid is worried about you, you know? However hard you try to hide the situation, she's not stupid. She knows something's going on. You have to put on a firm mask, even if you're screaming inside. It's part of being a King."

Humungous's words hit Hiccup hard. Humungous was one of Hiccup's mentors, his old bardiguard. And his daughter was worried about him. That was it. He had to man up. Hiccup straightened and rearranged his face into his "king face" as Hiccup liked to call it. He had this.

Humungous grinned, seeing Hiccup's spirit flooding into him. Humungous was proud of Hiccup. He had come very far since he was that scrawny, nerdy kid who spoke Dragonese and had occasional heroic moments. He was a great King. Humungous noticed something out of the corner of his eye. Uh oh. "Um, Hiccup? Your wife looks ready to murder my wife." Hiccup chuckled. "So she does. Cami's pregnant, and in a room full of people. Tantrum will be fine."

Humungous grimaced. "Still, a fight in a room full of Vikings and dragons isn't a good thing. Don't worry. I'll take care of this." With that, Humungous left to pull apart his wife and the Queen, who were now nose-to-nose and nearly yelling. What else was new?

Hiccup was smiling as he watched Humungous try to pull the two angry women apart. That wouldn't work. To keep Cami out of a fight, Hiccup normally had to get help from Toothless, Stormfly, Windwalker, and Wodensfang, along with two big guards. He would help Humungous... Later. This was too funny to miss.

---

Alvin smiled wickedly as he observed his prey, standing not a yard away from him, relaxed. Then, Humungous walked away! This was perfect! No pesky dragons, no bardiguard, no wife, no guards, and Alvin's own runt of a son-Fishlegs-was nowhere to be seen! Fools! This would teach Hiccup not to mess with Alvin.

Alvin reached out and grabbed the young King. Hiccup shrieked, and whirled around to find... Alvin. The party came to a screeching halt as the group turned to see why Hiccup had screamed- just in time to watch Alvin whisper something into Hiccup's ear, then stab him.

Hiccup turned to see his oldest and most feared enemy- Alvin. Hiccup immediately felt like a scared and helpless eleven-year-old again. Alvin had, surprisingly enough, not lost any body parts this time. But Alvin had lost something much more important in his most recent brush with death. His mind.

Alvin leaned forward and whispered, "A Treacherous never forgets," and- stabbed Hiccup. At first, Hiccup just stands there, numb. Then, the pain hit. Fiery and icy at the same time, the hot blood and cool steel in Hiccup's abdomen seemed at war with each other. Then, Alvin pulled his knife back out of Hiccup's stomach, and the spell was broken. Hiccup sank to his knees, his hands over his wound, trying to stem the flow of blood. However, Hiccup would never let Alvin have the last word. "So, you're an elephant with anger management issues?" Hiccup choked out. Alvin's eyes narrowed and he snarled. He struck Hiccup across the face, then turned around, broke through the window, jumped out, and was gone.

Hiccup's friends and family rushed over, with Cami catching Hiccup as he keeled over. "Son, are you okay?" Hiccup winced in pain. "No, Dad, I got knifed for the fun of it! Of course I'm not okay!" With that, Hiccup passed out.

---

Hiccup woke up in his room. Bandages were wrapped thickly around his chest. "How do you feel?" Hiccup turned to see Camicazi eyeing him. "It's okay, I'll be-" Hiccup tried to sit up and gasped, black dots flickering across his vision. "Ooh, that doesn't feel good."

Old Wrinkly hobbled into the room. "Hello, Hiccup, good to see you're awake. Now, I just have to examine you."

---

Twenty minutes later, Old Wrinkly sat back on his heels and sighed. He looked miserable. "Old Wrinkly, what's wrong? You look like you did when I had Vorpentitis!" Realization struck Hiccup. "It's not anything too bad right?"

Old Wrinkly slowly shook his head. "It's worse. Hiccup, Alvin's blade was poisoned."

A/N: Cliffhanger! Yeah, have fun with that. Anyway, enjoy! Btw, Hiccup will be conscious most of the time, but his condition... Well, I can't vouch for that!