Dawsey| Above the clouds

6

Once again there's a knock on the door. This time it's Gabby. She has a bag hanging over her left shoulder. I get warm inside, I missed her so much I can't explain.

"Matt" She says and walk hastily toward me.

"Shh." I hush to her, before moving my finger, and pressing my hand against her cheek, giving me more support to pull myself towards her, and connect our lips. My lips are firm against hers, but the kiss remain soft, gentle, slow. I move my hand from her cheek to the back of her head, my fingers tangling in her soft, dark chocolate hair.

"Casey" I hear Boden say from the door.

Gabby pulls away and sit down on a quite average chair, fingers intertwined in her knee. Gabby watch our chief standing at the door, the man we both trust with our hearts and the man who trust us back.

I sigh and put the icebag back onto my forehead. "The baby didn't make it" I say disappointed.

"Matt, believe me, I know how it feels and I know what you're thinking" He say "It's not your fault" He continue.

I throw the icebag in the wall, my raised pulse makes my cough. "I'm not going to lean back and just take it" I say.

"Yes, this time you are" Boden says and leave.

I never expected his words to hurt me so much, it feels like a thousand knives just pierced through my head. I can feel the hot tears already welling up in my eyes. I look at him leaving, we both know his words are the truth. Even if we want to deny them and fight about them, in the end they are still true. 

Gabby walk to my side and sit down on the edge of the bed, she kiss my forehead.

"He's right, one wrong move and you'll be in serious trouble" She say. Once again, true.
–
It's seven hours since I started to try to sleep and I have woken up at least fifteen times, not for that long each time but enough to get alert. Most of the times I've woken up has been because of the guilt I feel for that innocent baby and how my fall killed him. But I've also woken up because of the cannula that is tickling and itching in my nostrils. It really is the divil in disguise.

Thinking of that I should be sleeping for at least three more hours and then have another three hours before they might let me go home, is keeping me even more awake. I'm not even sure they will clear me for duty, they could well tell me that I'm not allowed to perform my job for awhile. But I really hope that's not the case because I'll literally crawl out of myself.