The Boys

the emotion

Seeing Amber again could not come round fast enough. I was antsy all day, even when she was in the same room as me. I had 3 our of 5 lessons with her today and spent break time with her while lunch was spent with the rest of my friends. It was nice having friends again. New friends were hard to associate with and I didn't know what kind of interests they all had. Some of them had known each other their whole lives, literally. I was new to this and I hated it. But like Phoebe said to me, it is a fresh start that I was in need of. 

"Don't be nervous." Amber tells me on the way to her house, the completely other direction to my house. 

"Well... that's going to be a little hard." I laughed awkwardly. 

"I'm taking you to my house, little stalker. You should be thrilled." She jokes and slows her pace so I could keep up. 

"I am, trust me. But... oh it is stupid. Ignore me." I yawned and stuck by her side a little more in this unknown part of town. 

"I told you, you should have gone to bed earlier." Amber tells me off. We had spent the whole night previously texting until 5AM. I did not know how she didn't look like death because I do. I feel like it, too. I had to have a coffee this morning and I haven't had one of those in a long time. I had my first coffee when I was 9. I was looking after Mum during the night time while Dad worked more to help pay some medical bills. She wasn't so bad when I was 9. She had lost her speech by then but could still walk just a little. It would take 2 hours for me to be able to bath her properly and help her get into her pyjamas. Feeding her took another 2 hours because she had no control of her mouth. It was numb, apparently. There were nights when her body rejected her dinner and we stayed awake, me holding her hair back over a cardboard pan she was meant to use as a toilet. 

Dad taught me some first aid training when I was younger, too. CPR, the recovery position, how to stop Mum choking if she did. Then he taught me how to look after myself. If I ever accidentally cut my arm on a knife or fell over, he showed me how to clean the wound and bandage it. He had emergency numbers in every room in the house and gave me a flip up phone to call an ambulance on if Mum wouldn't respond. Those were scary times. And they only got worse. 

When I was 12, Mum stopped breathing one night. The heart monitor woke me up. I would spend most nights up, listening to it to make sure Mum was okay. But one night she wasn't. It scared the hell out of me. I called the ambulance immediately before I tried CPR. I couldn't waste time. 

Social services threatened to take me away that night because I wasn't with a responsible adult. Dad got told off massively by the police when he finally reached the hospital. He quit his job the next day, unable to afford a baby sitter. Dad wanted me then. He didn't want to lose me. Looking back at those times, it was hard to think that actually happened. 

"Here we are, Miss." Amber pulled a cockney accent and gave me a cheesy grin. I laugh a little and let her take me into her house. "Excuse Peanut. He loves new people." She says, opening the front door. A beautiful small Yorkshire Terrier came running out to me and started jumping out. Oh, the irony. A Yorkshire Terrier in Yorkshire. Ha.

"Yeah, I know. You don't have to say it. My parents love puns." Amber shakes her head, embarrassed. 

"This is the reason why I'm here." I announced and sat on her doorstep to hug Peanut. Oh he is so, so small. Literal peanut size. I love him. 

"Really? I'll just be leaving then." She huffed and walked off.

"Wait! No! You can't leave me!" I yell after her and rush up. I quickly run over to her and she takes us to her bedroom in her house. I've gotten use to how big home is that this house seems so small.