The Boys

impossible year

I can't move. I shouldn't be seeing her right now. There were still a few days left until I should be getting checked up on. Something is wrong. Something is very wrong.

"Could you take a seat please, Eve." Mrs Brooks asked. I comply easily. I don't know what's going on.

"W-what's happened?" I trembled a little. Robert was stone cold. Have I done something? Did they find out about my lie? Are they going to send me away?

"As you are well aware, your mother is very sick." I knew what had happened before Mrs Brooks had finished. "On Tuesday night, she unfortunately couldn't keep fighting. The, uh, the tumour took over her whole brain and she couldn't hold on." Mrs Brooks tells me. I can't breathe. Am I dying now?

"Unfortunate?! My mother's death isn't unfortunate! She was my m-mum! Sh-she..." I break down crying. "She's not al-allowed to be gone! I was meant to s-see her again!" I sobbed.

"It'll be okay, Eve." Helena places her arm around her shoulder. I didn't know what to do. We've never touched.

"No." I whispered. I was meant to see Mum one last time. I needed to tell her things. I wanted to tell her about Amber. I wanted to say how happy I am now. I wanted to show her that I'm okay. I needed to see her smile once more. I needed to...

"The hospital will be serving a small service for her on Monday. For how long she has kept on going." Mrs Brooks informs me but I can't do anything apart from cry.

"Sh-she can't be dead." My voice breaks. I hide my face behind hands.

"I'm so sorry for your loss, honestly. My deepest condolences are with you." Mrs Brooks shifted uncomfortably. My breathing hitches and I can't get it to unhitch.

"Eve, you've got to breathe." Robert tells me. I can't. I run out of the room and throw open the front door. I run onto a small patch of grass and fall onto it. I take deep, laboured breaths. I then throw up. Oh no.

"Eve? Come on, honey. You should go inside." Helena says, joining me gingerly. I was shaking again, not because of the cold for once. Because I'm scared. I've lost my mum. Forever. I never got to say goodbye. She hasn't seen me for 6 weeks. She probably hates me now.  I'm a terrible daughter.

I continue sobbing. She's gone. She's gone forever.

"Eve..." Helena rests her hand on my shoulder comfortingly. I stand up quickly and hug her tightly. She's surprised at first. Then she hugs back a little. "I'm so sorry, sweetheart. We'll take you down for the funeral. You can say your goodbyes. I promise." She rubs my back soothingly. She gives nice hugs.

"She wasn't meant to go yet." I mumbled against her chest.

"I know, honey, I know." She calmed me as I was still shaking. "Let's go in, okay? It's freezing and I don't want you to get ill." She doesn't give me a choice. She unclasped me and dragged me indoors. She shuts the door behind us and I hug her again.

"Do you want some time alone?" She offered kindly. I nodded and let go of her.  "Okay. The boys are in their rooms. I've asked them to not bother you." She informed me. I nodded again and trudge upstairs to my bedroom.  I fall against the door and sob louder. I don't care who hears anymore. They know. They know I'm allowed to be upset.

I get up and find some of the pictures I took with me. There's a few. Mainly of Mum and me. Our last one together was when I was 11. Primary school play. I was dressed up as Snow White. She had a hat on, pretending to be one of the 7 dwarves. I had some baby pictures. She looked so much more alive when I was a baby. She could speak and walk. She got diagnosed with a brain tumour a year before I was born and wanted to have a child sooner rather than not at all.

I tried so hard to look after her. I tried my best. The doctors tried their best. Neither was enough.

At least I get to see her again. One last time. And then she's gone.

"Eve?" Someone whispers. Zack. I need him. I need him to hug me right now.

"Z-Zack." I whispered. He walks in and shuts the door.

"I'm so sorry." He repeated Helena's words. He came and sat beside me, looking over the pictures I had out. "Is that her?" He asks. I nodded, numb and crying. "You look a lot like her." He smiled and pulled me into a hug. 

"S-she's gone." I whimpered again and gripped onto his shirt. 

"I know. I'm here for you, Eve. All of the boys are. We aren't going to let you go through this alone." He reassured me and hugged me tighter. 

"I'm sorry." I whispered, voice hoarse. 

"Cry all you want. No one is judging you, Eve." 

I spend the night sharing small memories I have of Mum with Zack. He sat there and listened to each one even though he didn't have to. I don't think I have cried so much in so long.