I didn't know why I was made like this; Sad, lonely and depressing. Maybe I was made for sad creations and by merely seeing me is enough to make them feel happy about themselves? Maybe I was made for the creations if ever they get lonely to just look up to me and they will realize that they aren't really lonely. Maybe I was made with my flaws to look depressing enough for others' expense and for them to love themselves? I didn't know. I didn't know why I was made to be like this. These holes that can't be filled with love, these flaws that no one will ever love, these questions about my entire existence... I was made alone, different and meaningless. I can clearly see all of them and they all have their own meanings. They were made for something. And the fact that they can also see me, a meaningless failure creation, doesn't ease this indescribable feeling that makes me weaker and weaker every day. It's either; I'm broken, and I can't feel anything anymore; or I'm having a hard time figuring out my feelings, because I feel everything all at once. Different, but almost has the same effect on me. Everything just makes me feel numb...
I was so alone, until you came. One sorrowful night, I wished for something like me to appear. I wished for the gods to make something for me; something like me, and will always be by my side. Something that can make me feel something that I have never felt before. And that's when they made you. You were the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. Like internet to humans, shelters to animals and things that has meanings. When you came, I was broken. And I didn't know that that body of yours can fill the holes of my entire being. You made me feel that I wasn't broken. Or maybe I was, and you just completely fixed me. You made me feel things that is foreign to me including the 3 feelings that I have felt for you; Happiness, when we were together; Eagerness, to hold you every time; and lust; to spend every minute with your body on mine. I felt everything, but it wasn't the same feeling. You filled the emptiness in me when we were together, that I can't get enough of you. You were never enough for me...
The moment that the gods considered my wish, was the greatest decision that they have ever made. I was half on you, and you were half on me. I was so happy that I can feel you on me every time and you can always fill me with love that I lacked. I didn't care if I will become half for us to be complete. I wouldn't mind ripping my pieces to complete you. To complete us. Collided with your body and mine, your hotness and my emptiness together, that was probably the reason why I imploded.
You made me feel something, but you weren't enough. I needed more. I wished for the gods to make you even hotter, and they did. But still wasn't enough. I want you 3 times hotter than before. So in that case, I can feel you intensely.
Your touch ignites me, the feeling when I crush my body on your body, the tingling feeling while we move with the rhythm of the world, your warm insides that eases the coldness in me; you make me feel hot with your single touch but I was never content with it. You make me want you more and more that it hurts. I can let you drown me with your kisses every day, even if it hurts me. Ignite me with your touch. Ignite me with your body. Ignite me while we move. Ignite me every second. I didn't care.
But it became to a conclusion that if we're still together, I will be gone. I'll be burned into ashes with your touch, your body, your whole being and I realized it when I started feeling half empty... But I didn't mind. I wanted this to last.
Time flies, I slowly began to vanish. I can feel every bit of me begins to vanish in thin air. I became smaller, and smaller, and smaller, and you became bigger and began to be complete. A complete circle... I was once a lonely circle. I want a better half on me. And they gave me you. But I can't feel you enough. And now we became so different that I'd die if the gods would allow me to be with you. And I wouldn't allow it. I didn't mind getting burned by you.
"That's what you get for wanting to hurt yourself. But I know I'm at fault too because I gave in to your whims," the god said to me, "But at least now you know the consequence of it all, and now you are stuck to the only possible way to relive you."
"Why did you even relive me? I am useless. I have no meaning. I don't know what to do. I'm just here in the void, alone with darkness and cold breeze, while everything in the world has a purpose. I am alone, I am different, I am uncertain. I am not worth reliving for."
"You can see the meaning of the others, but why can't you see your meaning? Everything that we, gods, made has meanings. Without you, the sky would be plain and drab. We are all different, and that's what makes us special. A tree might have the same being but they have different lives. Some were still haven't planted, while some are already twenty feet tall. You pull the gravity, which makes the ocean different than before. This is your role, and you have a meaning. You have a purpose. We all have. We are like people, we are the same but different. It's confusing, but that is life. The meaning of life is to give life a meaning."
I didn't know what to say after that.
The moon was first created, and the universe was dark. Then came the sun, colliding with the moon and they lit up the world together. But the sun was too strong for the moon, that's why the moon vanished from the intensity of the sun's flames. But the moon had to reappear, and that's why the sun and the moon was separated. The moon sacrificed his other half for the sun's other half. The moon ripped itself for the thought of being complete, but the fire consumed the moon, and instead, because of the moon's half, the sun was completed.
I was gone when the sun that was just a half of me before, is now a full circle and still has the same hotness that burnt me into the depths. And the sun is now the reason why I lit up and have different phases of me. The gods relived me because they said I can't be gone because I have a purpose, but because of the sun's light source, I am now consists with 3 different circles every night; full, half and new moon. They kept the sun and separated it from anything because of its power. They made stars and planets and didn't bother to ease the intensity of the sun because it's the source of light in the morning and in the afternoon.
And now the day consists with 3 parts; morning, noon and evening. I am now happy to be separated by the sun because I am now enlightened by my existence. I was addicted to your fire, 'cause it made me feel something that I've never felt before. I lust the feeling that you made me feel. I became obsessed with your flames that I liked and hated at the same time. I liked the feeling of feeling something, not by just being broken inside. Like someone that has been emotionally damaged because of constantly being hurt and now they are used to it. That they can't feel anything anymore in the inside, that's why they want to know, if they are still alive by being hurt physically. I wanted to feel alive because I felt like I'm soulless and just physically present. I got used to your flames that I didn't care about dying. When I felt alone, I wished for the gods to make something like me that I can relate to. They made something like me, but only a little hotter. But I still can't feel anything. And by demanding more, feeling everything killed me. It killed me on the inside when I don't feel anything, and it literally killed me when I crossed the line of 'feeling something'. I lust someone's touch, someone's body, someone's presence and someone who can make me feel something that I thought that it was worth dying for. But I now know my meaning in life and that's what keeps me going, whether the reason is for you or for anything or anyone's sake.
Don't rip yourself to complete someone else.
