30 Days

lost

Day 21

Paige looked at the scene opposite her locker. She wanted like some random hole to just swallow her up and she also have the urges to just walk away but she was frozen at her spot. What was the scene that was making her sick in her insides?

Shirley was locking lips with River. Her heart was slowly breaking into pieces for the thousandth time. It hurts her seeing the boy she love... She thought, " Love? Must be kidding myself. I don't love this boy. He is just another fish in the water. We only known each other for three weeks! He - "

Suddenly a hand covered her eyes, blocking her view of them and breaking her train of thoughts. She looked up and it was Lance. She grumbled, " Why did you cover my eyes? I was looking at something! "

He smiled and said, " You shouldn't care about them already. Why would you keep staring at them if that only make you sad? If you keep staring at them, Shirley will be the triumphant one. She will be all smug and proud. "

She whispered, " She already won, Lance. She got it all. What more can she ask for? "

River did not enjoy the kiss at all. He felt so guilty and betrayed. He felt that he cheated on Paige even though they weren't really together. But he felt that she was the girl that was right for him. When he peeked at her, he saw her eyes that was full of sadness. That was a punch in the face.

When that kissing session was finished, he went to the the gents. He washed his lips and scrubbed off whatever saliva was on his lips till it was red. He really couldn't stand Shirley. The incessant whining about just clothes and the people around her. She was really an airhead.

He reminded himself, " Just a few more days before Shirley will reveal everything and I will destroy her once and for all. "

Paige was being sad again. She did't talk much to Lance for the whole day. Sometimes, she feel bad that she is ignoring Lance although he was a very good friend to her, comforting her. However, she knew that only one guy could save her from all this miserable feelings. She wrote in her red notebook,

" I want to hug you so badly but you are not mine to hug.

I want to have late night calls with you and drown in your husky voice that resonates through my ears but you are not mine to call.

I want to hold hands with you and let your warmth overwhelm me but you are not mine to hold.

I want to just stare into your eyes that knows how vulnerable I am but you are not mine to stare at.

I want to go on dates with you, just us and no one else but you are not mine to go out with.

I want to be with you but sadly....you are not mine because your heart is already with someone and she is not me.

Shirley, you won. You got River. I feel defeated. I feel like everything is worthless. When my life was finally coming into place, you turned everything upside down again. And I hate you for that. But you also made me believe that a damaged girl like me will never get a happy ending, much less a fairytale."

She looked at the moonlight and asked the moon, " If I was up there, will I be at peace and be happy? Will I be free? Will I be able to love myself? "

The moon just seemed to stare back at her emotionless and she just sighed. Feeling foolish that she just talked to the moon. She went to bed. Tossing and turning for awhile, because of all of the images of River kissing Shirley flooded her mind, like every wall of her mind was embedded with the images. She tried her very might to go to sleep and soon after, she slipped into a dreamless night.