I Love You. So Much. (A Kohnnie Fanfic) (boyxboy)

Chapter 34 - 3rd POV/Johnnie

(3rd Person POV)

"Baby. Baby. Please come out." Johnnie yells, tears streaming down his face as he banged on the door "N-no Johnnie. I c-cant" Kyle sobbed from the other side of the door "Baby please come out just come out please" Johnnie cried "N-not right now" Kyle replies weakly "Your not cutting are you?!" Johnnie asks, scared of the answer "No." Kyle replies though tears "Are you gonna-" "I'm not gonna try to kill myself. I'll talk to you in a few minutes. I promise." Kyle replies "O-okay baby. I love you." Johnnie says,  wiping his tears "I-I love you too." Kyle replies as Johnnie slowly walks away, sitting on there bed and putting his face in his hands. 

(Johnnie's POV)

But Kyle was doing so good. He was doing so good and then he just. Stops eating. I don't understand it. I thought he was happy. I.  I thought I made him happy. I feel more tears fall but I don't bother to wipe them away. I can't believe he didn't talk to me. Why wouldn't he talk to me? I didn't even know he has these feelings anymore; I know that's stupid of me to expect him not to after having them for so long I guess they just. Get stuck there. I mean. Not that I haven't had thoughts like that. Just. I. Haven't thought about doing that in so long. Committing suicide, that is. I think back to that night. The night I tried to end my life. Taking those pills; laying down and planning to never wake up again. I don't really remember much after that. Just. I woke up. I must have gotten up and thrown them up later. I should have died that night. I don't understand how I'm still alive; but I'm so fucking glad thatI am. I met my little Kyle just after that. He's like my medicine. My little pill that makes me not want to take a bottle of them. I love him so fucking much. Just. I just love him so much. I can't wrap my head around it, that's how much that I love him. I need him more than he needs me even if he doesn't understand that. I need him to be okay. I'm not okay if he isn't. He's my other half. My love. My life. My world. My universe. My everything. And damn I need him so much.

I wipe my tears, looking up as I hear a click and look up, seeing Kyle nervously look at me, walking towards me "J-Johnnie?..Y-your crying." He whispers as he walks closer to me "I am." I reply "D-d-did I make you cry? I-I made you cry didn't I?!" He says, putting his hands over his face and crying making me heart hurt "Baby baby." I say, getting up and wrapping my arms around him "Kyle. Look at me sweety." I say, getting him to look into my eyes "Its okay baby. You didn't hurt me baby. Don't be sad." I say, using my thumbs to wipe away the tears from his cheeks before kissing his lips softly "I love you baby. I need to talk to you though. Okay?" I ask softly as I look into his eyes, pushing his hair back and kissing him again "I love you too." He replied "Can we talk?" I ask, picking him up gently and sitting him on the bed "Y-yes." He whispers, looking down "Nothing I say is ever meant too hurt your feelings, okay. Sometimes I just don't realize what I say until after the words come out, so if I ever hurt your feelings, please know I didn't mean too.  It isn't an excuse but I just want you to know I never mean to hurt you, okay baby?" I say as he looks down, rubbing his thigh softly as tears drop onto my hand making me cry some myself. "Y-yes. I-I love you." He replied "I love you too. Baby? Why did you stop eating?" I ask, seeing him tense up a little "I'm s-so sorry Johnnie." He cried,nputting his face in his hands "Baby. Sweetheart. I'm not mad baby. Please don't cry, I'm not mad. I just want you to be okay. I want to help you baby. Please tell me why." I say as I rub his thigh, squeezing it gently "It's gonna be okay baby. Just talk to me." I whisper, watching him slowly look up at me "I-I feel so fat." Kyle says, looking down at his stomach at poking at it as tears drip onto his hands and shirt "A-and I try to believe what you say B-but its so hard. And. When I stop eating i-it makes me feel like I'm getting skinnier.. L-like. If I don't eat for a certain amount of time I feel proud of myself as stupid as that is. A-and when I think about how upset you will be I get really sad. A-and other things." He said as he looked down at his lap "Keep going baby. What are the other things?" I ask as I run my fingers though his hair softly "I-im I'm. I don't know. I-it feels wrong to say that I'm sad because I just got what I've wanted for so long but. I'm just I don't know. S-sometimes I just think I'm too broken to fix." He said, putting his face in his hands and sobbing "Baby. Baby." I say as I rub his back before scooting closer to him and kissing his neck softly "Baby. Please listen. You are not to broken to fix. Your getting better I can tell. You smile now, even if it is just sometimes. Your getting better baby. And I love you so much." I state, wrapping my arms around him from the back "I love you too." He said, putting his hands on top of mine "Baby? Um. I don't mean to be offensive at all.. But. What does it feel like to um. Well starve. I don't mean to hurt your feelings just. I don't understand how it could be addictive. Food just. Don't you want to eat?" I ask in the most un-offensive way possible, not wanting to make him feel any worse, but not understanding why or how he could just not eat. "Um. I j-just get used to it. Like. Sometimes I just forget until my head starts to hurt or I get dizzy or tired. And well I just I don't know. In my head I don't see food. I just see calories. It doesn't really matter if I use to like it, I just see myself getting fatter and. Well sometimes I binge and eat a lot. I don't know why really. I just don't notice until after I've eaten a lot, and then I just feel worse." I feel more tears fall down my face after I hear his reasoning, how calm he spoke about it, like its normal for him. Because it is normal for him. I hug him so fucking tightly, holding him in my chest and putting my face in his holder as I cry. I don't even know what to say. Just. My poor Kyle. "Oh my god baby." I whisper after a moment "W-what?" He says back "I-Its just. Its so fucked up. I. I just want to hug you and glue all your broken pieces together. My poor baby." I say, taking his hand in mine and tangling our fingers together as I lay my face in his shoulder, my eyes still watering but staring to subside. "Baby. Were going to get though this together, okay. Were gonna start fresh, and I'm gonna help you. I know I was a shit friend and I was never there for you before. And I'm so fucking sorry. If I could take that back I would a thousand times over. Every time I noticed you looked sad, or I thought I saw your eyes watering and pushed it to the side and figured it was nothing. I wish I could take that back baby. But I can't. But in the future I will be there every single time you need me baby. In an instant. Okay. I love you so fucking much." I say as I hug him tightly. Squeezing him as tight as I possibly can without hurting him "Johnnie. You were never a shit friend. You have always been an amazing friend. Please don't be sorry. I love you so much too." He says as he plays with my fingers "Baby? Will you eat for me please" I ask, feeling him tense up "U-um I n-no I'm sorry." He says as he looks down making my heart break a little "Baby... Why?" I say as my eyes get watery again "B-because. I get really sad w-whenever I eat. Its really for the best." He says "Baby. You have to eat. Try to eat a little at a time. For me please." I say as I hug him tightly, putting my face in his hair "O-okay."he whispers, lifting his hands and wiping his tears " Were gonna get through this together, okay? I'm gonna be here every time you feel down, every time you feel self conscious, or sad. I'm gonna be here. I love you so much baby." I state as I hold his hand tightly "I love you too baby." He whispers as he turns around, wrapping his arms around me and making me smile "I love you so much Johnnie. I don't know what I would do with out you." I says as I put his face in my chest "The same goes for you beautiful. My life would have no point without you in it." I say, kissing his head and smiling lightly "Your my whole world baby." I state, taking his hands in mine and kissing his lips