ripped jeans | hes

thirty three

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l'esprit de l'escalier (noun) - "the spirit of the staircase"; the feeling you get after leaving after a conversation, when you think of all the things you should of said

"Yeah," I murmured disappointingly, picking ruthlessly at the skin around my nails.

"I don't know what else to say."

"Don't say anything," I pulled my lips into a straight line and looked over at him. "Take me somewhere. I don't want to be here anymore."

"Let me take you home," Harry solemnly pat my knee before walking calmly to his car.

"I don't want to go there either." I muttered to myself before slowly following after him.

As usual, Harry held open the car door for me. I hopped into his Range Rover and he ducked in after me.

We didn't say anything for the first few minutes of the car ride, just listening to The 1975 and the overwhelming loud wind breezing through the car.

We were listening to each other's silence, and it was incredibly awkward.

"You know," Harry turned down the music after a few minutes. "I understand how you're feeling, it makes sense."

I glanced over at him for a second, not saying a word.

"I do. But I need you to know that I couldn't care less about those girls, I only care about you. I know that you and I are just dating, but I would drop all those girls if you asked me to," Harry looked over at me, his honest eyes locking with mine. "I need you to believe me that I didn't have the intention of hurting you, the girls are genuinely just to satisfy my sexual needs."

"Drop them," I said, instantly regretting making him choose but not stopping myself but knowing it was the only way. "I don't think I could ever be comfortable dating you while you have these other girls begging to fuck you. I really couldn't. It's so unfair."

"Ah," Harry exhaled loudly in vexation,  nervously carding a hand through his gorgeously silky curls.

"Imagine me, after you drop me off back to my apartment, hopping on some dude's dick. Literally, right after we have this insightful date, I jump into some guy's car and fuck his brains out. While you are up all night wondering if I'll text you, I'm busy orgasming in the back of some hot dude's Ford Explorer. Wouldn't feel good, huh?"

Harry just looked at me for a second before looking back at the road, shaking his head. "Fuck. You can't just expect me to drop all my ties for our unpredictable relationship, where we don't even know if we're going to take to the next level. That would be just unfair, wouldn't it?"

"Are you being serious right now?" I threw my hands up in the air. "You just went on about how you would pick me over those girls and now you're saying you don't know."

"Addison-"

"If you honestly think that I'm going to continue dating you while you have these little side chicks, you're sadly mistaken." I scoffed darkly, my anger beginning to rise in my throat once more. "Consider this the last time I see you, Harry."

"Okay, stop, woah." Harry exhaled sharply, stretching his neck. "You're more important to me than those other girls. If you were any other girl, there would be no way in hell that I would even consider that.."