Safe

Chapter 43

Chapter 43

The smell of chicken and Mexican spices fills the apartment shortly after I start reading my book. I find my mouth watering at the scent and its hard to concentrate on anything else but the food. I put my book down and walk over to the kitchen where Niall is cooking. As I get closer into the kitchen the smells start to morph together in a way that doesn't compliment them, but I don't let on that the cooking doesn't smell all that great. Niall looks so happy trying to cook for me that I couldn't bear to take that from him.

As I watch Niall stir the chicken in the pan on the stove, I hear a door slowly creak open from behind me. I turn around and Izzie is standing in her bedroom doorway. Images and words from last night come flooding to my head and my heart hurts all over again.

"Iz..." I begin, but she cuts me off.

"I told him."

By 'him', I'm assuming she means harry. "And...?"

"And.. I don't know yet. I don't know. But I told him. And that's all that matters. No more lying or secrets." Her face looks swollen and I can tell she's been crying, but I don't say anything.

"Good," is all I can say to her. I don't know if I'm mad at her still or not. I honestly feel like I have too many emotions about everything else to be upset with Izzie as well. I have to pick and choose my battles, right? And this one was not mine to fight. She is my best friend, and I need to make up with her and stand by her. I miss her. More than anything. "I'm sorry."

She stares at me. I stare at her. The energy in the room is awkward as I wait for her response. "You should be," she finally answers. Ouch. I take a deep breath, trying to remember the bigger picture and trying not to start another fight.

"I am," I state calmly. "It was the wrong way to go about it. But, I'm not sorry he found out. Just sorry about HOW he found out." There. That was calm. That's not going to start another fight.

"Yes." She agrees coldly.

"What exactly are we talking about?" Niall chimes in from the kitchen.

"Um...." I stare at Izzie and she stares at me. I don't want to tell another person without her permission. My eyes are telling Izzie to speak up if she wants Niall know.

"I... I cheated on Harry." She mumbles to him, eyes on the floor. I hear the spatula drop from Niall's hands and hit the counter top. "With.. with Zayn." I guess she wanted to rip the bandaid off.

I listen for Niall's response but nothing comes. "I'm gonna go take a shower." Izzie states and shuts the door. I don't know if we're okay, but at least we're speaking. Slowly, I turn to Niall. He's standing against the counter now and is staring into the living room. Although, it doesn't look like he's really looking at anything. He's just looking, his eyes burning with questions and emotions that have nothing to do with the direction he is staring in.

Somehow I keep finding myself in these awkward situations that have nothing to do with me. Frankly, it's very annoying. I walk towards him anyway.

"Everything okay?" I ask, even though I can see that it's not.

"No!" He says abruptly and snaps his head up at me. "And Harry knows this?"

"Yeah... well I guess he does now."

Niall slowly shakes his head. "And you knew?" He whispers, seemingly to the ground.

"I mean..."

"You knew the whole time, and you didn't tell me? Or Harry? How long has this been going on for?"

"I, uh, well.."

"What the hell, Kat?"

Jesus. Well, we had about three seconds of being okay. At least there's that. "Slow down, Niall. You don't know the whole story."

"I don't need to," he spits and walks towards the door.

"Wait a minute!" I plead but he continues to walk. "So you're just gonna leave without letting me explain? It's not like I cheated on you!" Fuck. I shouldn't have said that.

"I literally don't care what you do anymore," I hear him mumble and it makes me stop on my tracks.

"Niall," I beg. "Wait. Hold on. This was weeks ago, they were supposed to end it!"

"Oh!" He shrieks and turns around, hand on the doorknob. "Weeks ago, huh? That's great, Kat. What else have you been keeping from me? Maybe you did actually sleep with Louis."

My mouth falls open at his unnecessary accusation. "What the fuck? What is your god damn problem?" My voice is raising and I can't help it. I don't know why he is being so ridiculous about a situation that doesn't involve him in the slightest.

"You're a liar," he mumbles. Suddenly I'm not sure if we're still addressing the Izzie/Harry problem.

"I'm a liar? Since when? What have I lied to you about?"

"How could you not say anything to me about this? Or Harry? Are you that selfish and ignorant that you thought keeping it a secret would be a good idea?" His face is flushed now. It he's still got one hand on the door.

"Go be mad at Zayn, or Izzie!" I tell him. "Don't shoot the messenger, I wasn't the one who cheated!"

"I gotta go," he states and opens the door.

"Niall, wait," I start. "You don't even know what happened!"

He turns to me, his face cold as stone, and without missing a beat answers, "Worst feeling in the world, isn't it? Being shut down without a chance to explain."

I stand dumbfounded at his malicious words as he slams the door.

What in the name of fucking hell just happened? I rack my brain for what I did to set him off, going over the conversation in my head a hundred times before realizing that it wasn't this particular conversation that set him off. It was a combination of every piece of shit we have been through since the accident. It was Anabelle. It was Louis. It was the coma. It was the accident itself. But mostly, it was me. He was right; I am ignorant and selfish. Whatever the hell just happened sure as hell wasn't from this one fight. No, what just happened was a culmination of every single shitty thing that has ever happened in our relationship.

And right now, I feel like I'm done. I don't have any fight left in me. I'm done.