Safe

Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Kat's P.O.V.

I stare at the ceiling trying to wrap my head around the new information I have just got wind of. I lay there limp as the nurses around me poke and prod me some more. There are three nurses in the room with me now, and I turn my head and see my mom and Izzie just outside the door, deep in conversation. Izzie has tears streaming down her face and my mother looks as though she's trying to hold back hers. As I watch them converse, the both turn they heads and make eye contact with me. They must be talking about me. One nurse sticks another IV into my arm and I can feel the pressure of the needle entering my vein. It's uncomfortable, but I'm too numb to care. Another nurse begins to change the bandage around my head. As she takes the bandage off my clean head, I suddenly become extremely aware of the fact that I have no hair. I wish I could see myself, but I have no energy to move. Having your heart stop will do that to you. 

The nurse fixing my bandage begins to speak to me. My head is still foggy and I try and focus on her to make out what she's saying. 

"Bandana?" She asks. 

I stare blankly at her. She repeats herself. "Would you prefer a bandana instead now that you're awake, Kat?"

Neither the thought of having a bandana nor a bandage thrilled me, but I suppose the bandana was the lesser of two evils. "Yes," was all I could manage to spit out. She walks out of the room for a minute and comes back with a red bandana in hand. She helps me sit up in bed as she fastens the piece of fabric around my head. I gently lay back down and the nurses exit the room. Izzie and my mom are still outside the door, and I wait patiently for them to come back in.

Izzie seems to have gained her composure and she has stopped crying. My mother's face looks different now; it looks strong and serious. I watch as my mother rolls Izzie back into the room. I stare at her in the wheelchair and my stomach starts to turn again. I can't believe I did that to her. Guilt and sadness wash over my body as I see how helpless she sits in her wheelchair. 

"Stop fucking scaring us, Kat." Izzie chokes out. I can tell she's holding back her tears. "Just stay awake. Stay awake." 

I know Izzie is trying to lighten the mood, but my heart and chest still hurt for her. Even in a wheelchair, she is able to be there for me more than I've ever been for her. 

"There's something you need to see," my mother says. I can't read her expression. Whatever they needed me to see, my mother wasn't giving any clues on her face. I look to Izzie, who is staring at the ground. The nurse who changed my bandages walks into the room. 

"Would you like to take her now?" She asks my mother.

"Yes." My mother replies with a stern face. 

Before I know it, the nurse is pulling up the railings on my bedside again and wheeling me out of the room. The nurse pushes my bed through the halls as my mother is at my side pushing Izzie in her wheelchair. My stomach is in knots and my palms are sweating as I anticipate what I am about to see. The walk is quiet; neither my mom nor Izzie says a word. We simply roll in silence. We enter the elevator and the nurse hits the button for the ICU. 

The elevator doors open and the nurse rolls me back onto the familiar floor. The floor is quiet with the exception of monitors beeping and family members chatting quietly with doctors, nurses, and each other. The nurse stops us outside a room. She disappears briefly and comes back with a wheelchair.

"Kat, do you feel strong enough to move over to this wheelchair?"

I nod my head and close my eyes for a minute, trying to gain the energy to move. Whatever they need me to see must be important. I can't imagine they would make me move out of my bed for no reason. I look at Izzie and my mother and they are staring back at me with sad eyes. 

The nurse helps me up and my mother comes over and helps me sit up as well. In a unified effort, they both help me move over the the wheelchair. Moving from the bed to the chair gives me a bit of access into the room we are outside of. I can't see much, but I notice a few familiar faces among the few people inside the room. 

Confused, I glance at Izzie, but she won't make eye contact with me. Instead, she's glancing at the ground. I see a tear drop from her eye to her lap. 

"Iz?" I say. She doesn't answer. Instead, she just shakes her head slowly. 

"I'll be at the desk. Let me know when you're ready to go back into your room." The nurse gives my hand a quick squeeze and walks over to the desk. My mom moves behind my wheelchair and slowly wheels me into the room. 

As I enter the room I see three faces I recognize: Eleanor, Louis, and Harry. Eleanor is sitting on the couch near the window watching the show that's on the tele. Harry is sitting in a chair next to the bed and staring at the same show. Louis is sitting next to Eleanor with his head on her shoulder, sleeping. As I make my way into the room, my head is swirling and I'm trying to get the fog out of my mind. I piece things together one thing at a time; it seems to happen in slow motion. First, my fight with Niall comes to my mind. Then, I remember the scene of the accident and the paramedics wheeling away a male in his early twenties. Lastly, I remember the absence of Niall since I've woken up. As I feel my heart breaking, I come to the realization of why I am here. 

Eleanor is looking at me now with sad eyes. She looks tired. She gives me a soft smile, but doesn't get up for fear of waking up Louis. Harry moves from the side of the bed and over to Izzie. He gives her a soft kiss on the cheek and turns to me. He doesn't say anything, but by the look on his face I know who's in the bed. I force myself to finally look at the body in the bed. Laying there limp and motionless is Niall. I almost don't recognize him, but I know it's him. 

His blonde hair is fallen and hangs down the sides of his face; a tube it stuck down his throat. His eyes are closed and he looks like he's sleeping, even though I know it's much more than that. He looks so helpless, and it's something I'm not used to. I'm used to him protecting me, making me feel safe. His carved muscles on his arms have started to fade and his body looks noticeably skinnier. 

I look back at Harry and we exchanged another glances that needs no explanation. He wheels me over to the side of the bed. To my surprise, no tears fall from my face. Instead, I feel empty; broken. I feel numb. I have no idea what to feel, and therefore, I don't say anything. I simply reach up and grab Niall's hand from the side of the bed. I intertwine my fingers with his and stare at his weak face, praying for his lids to flutter open and to see his beautiful blue eyes once again. 

"He was driving in the car --" Harry starts, but I put my hand up, signaling him to stop. One thing at a time. Right now, I just needed to hold his hand.