Loneliness| s.reid

29

Clare's POV

We waited for our food in silence, we ate in silence. I wanted to say something but I also didn't want to talk about work. I crossed my legs while bitting my cheek.

"When did you find this place?" I asked him, his head twisting to mine a noodle in his mouth that he chewed and swallowed. I liked it here, it was cute and nice and only about four tables up on the terris.

"Um September 12th of 2009." He said to me. Then I narrowed my eyes at him, it then occurred to me that his birthday was next week. September 12th is Dereks birthday and this was the last place I thought Derek would eat, especially for his birthday dinner with co-workers.

"That's Dereks birthday." I said to him while taking a sip of my wine, I knew Spencer didn't drink much and neither did I but it calmed my nerves like this, and I had told him to at least have a glass. Usually I drank red whine but Spencer insisted that white wine was better for my body. "I didn't think Derek liked Italian." Then I shrugged, so did Spencer.

"He's not a huge fan but- he- um he told me you liked Italian." Spencer whispered and I nodded. I hadn't told Derek that I was going on a date with Spencer, and I was sure that Derek would find it off that Spencer randomly asked if I liked Italian. "That's actually odd if you think about it. Usually the older sibling likes one but as more kids are brought into the house the less that food may be eaten so the younger one doesn't like it as much. Not the other way around." He rambled and turned bright red.

"Oh, I grew up on Italian actually." I said and he nodded, happy that I was changing the subject. "My foster parents that I was with from birth till I was 7," I then licked my lips. "They died in a car crash when I was 7, I was in the foster-" Then I stopped. "I don't know why I'm saying this- you- you know that." I said to him. Then Spencer broke into a grin.

"I remember, Barbra Brown and Dr Chris Brown." I was surprised that he remembered, he hadn't read those words. He had heard me say this, he had remembered on his own. "He was a neurosurgeon." I smiled.

"You remember more about them then I try to think about." I said while licking my lips again. Now we sat in silence. Spencer gave me a small glance.

"You miss them." He said to me. "Sorry didn't mean to profile you." Spencer continued while taking a bite of his salad. I shook my head.

"No," I said shaking my head. "No it's fine. I do miss them, but I guess I'm happy." I said looking down. Then I twiddled with my fork while trying not to look at him. His eyes then narrowed at me.

"You guess?" He asked me with a small blink I opened my mouth. I probably looked stupid but couldn't seem to close my mouth. I just stared at him. "Look I know what you told me about how you-"

"Reid." I had never called him that, the words just came from my mouth, still handing open in shock. Then I once I gained control of my mouth again I spoke. "Can we just not talk about that, ever." I said and he blinked at me. Not realized what my reaction in person would be like when he asked.

"Well have you-"

"No." I said shaking my hand, tugging on the sleeve of my black and white shirt. His eyes then narrowed again. "I-I haven't." I whispered pressing the palm of one hand into the wrist of the other.

"Th-that's good." He said and I rolled my eyes. "I'm sorry-"

"Spence." I said then put my hand on his that was shaking. Then he looked up at me, his eyes shimmered against the moon and the string lights. Then my face changed, seeming happier. "I had lights like these in my room in high school, they were the only lights I had." I said standing up. His eyes trailed ask spun in my toes breathing in air. "It feels good." I whispered and shut my eyes, an action I didn't do much.

"What does?" Spencer asked with hesitation and laughter in his voice. I a could picture him grinning ear from ear. I made a small humming noise, peeking an eye open when I heard music.

"The lights, I don't know the feeling." What I meant to say was that this felt right, him and I. I liked when he and I could spend time alone, not just from the team and Derek, but from everyone in general. This was where I could be free and do my own thing.

"Feeling?" He asked and I stopped to look at him. Now he was standing only a few feet away from me with his hands in his pockets. He looked so awkward but entertained. I shrugged.

"I don't know it's just a feeling I have." I said, then I smiled reaching a hand out. "Dance with me." I said as a phrase but it was more of a question. He blinked looking at my hand. "Come on Spence I'll buy you hand sanitizer or something." I didn't know how I was being so confident. Maybe It was because we were alone. And I could be me with him.

"I-I can't dance." He stammered shaking his head. I rolled my eyes standing closer to him. Close enough to tell his breathing was rasp.

"It's just me Spence." I whispered and he sighed. Placing his hand in mine. "Here." I said taking on hand and placing it on the small of my back, his hands shaking. Then I put an arm on his shoulder, "Like this." I whispered swaying us back and forth. His feet shuffled against mine.

"Sorry." He mumbled to me, his breath hot against my ear, I shook my head. I was too focused on being close to him to care if he had or hadn't done anything wrong. Wrong. I wasn't sure if he was capable of that. He was too sweet. He was too innocent.

"It's alright Spence." I whispered moving closer to him, no longer just dancing. We were rocking back and forth with my head on his chest and arms around his waist. His arms around mine and head on mine with hesitation. "It's alright."

/////////////
A/N

Well here's part two..... if your wondering what they were talking about it will be addressed in the next chapter..... w/ Derek.

Instagram: @morganallen._ @agent.fangirl

Twitter: @carrotqueen459