Loneliness| s.reid

36

Clare's POV
(At the Renewal)

"Clare!" It was Henry who jumped from Wills arms and came running to me. I smiled at him and bent down to pick him up. "Aunt Clare you look really pretty." Henry said and I continued to smile at him. Henry never failed to make me smile.

"Me? Look at you all dressed up for mommy and daddy? Don't you look handsome." I said to him and Henry smiled. Then I set him down and watched him go running towards someone, then I looked up to see it was Spencer, I regretted looking up, I looked down again. Brushing my hair back behind me ear. "Hey." I whispered in a small voice, Spencer glanced down at Henry.

"Hey Henry why don't you go and hang out with uncle Morgan, yeah?" Spencer suggested, Henry looked up at us with a smile in his face. Then Henry nodded before running off away from us. Leaving Spencer and I alone.

I wasn't sure if I should say something. And if anything what to say. So I wrapped my arms around my waist, keeping my gaze on the ground. I didn't want to look up at him. We just stood there awkwardly.

"You- you look nice Clare." Spencer said to me, I smiled before looking up at him. "New dress?" He asked me with a raised eye as if he was trying to just make conversation with me.

"Thank you, you do too Spence." I said to him, his hand flattened over his black shirt and patterned blazer. I hadn't seen him in a blazer in a few weeks. I had always thought that they looked rather nice on him. I knew I wasn't as smart as his last girlfriend, the one that dead in his arms, the first time they met, but I wasn't stupid unless you compared me to a genius like him. I could still have a conversation with some intelligence, I work for the FBI.

"Are-are you alright?" He asked me while I looked down. I thought it was ironic that he was asking me that. I had broken his heart, shattering my own of course because my stupid brother wanted us to not be together. I broke into a grin.

"I think it's ironic that your asking me that." I whispered to him, then he looked up with excitement. Blake was right. Just go for it. "Do you want to dance?" I suddenly asked. Almost covering my mouth. Not looking at him. But once I did he seemed shocked, as if he was astonished by my actions. "Or not, that's fine." I said quickly.

"No," Spencer said taking a step towards me. "I'd like to dance." His shaking hand was out to mine, smiled and placed my hand in his hesitantly even though this was my idea.

We walked with no words to the dance floor. Then he pulled me to him, out chests nearly touching. My head was nearly placed in the notch of his neck, we were closer then what I can imagine either of us was obviously comfortable with. His hands placed on my hips lightly and swaying then, my arms wrapped around his neck as music softly played in the background. Like a seance from a movie.

Only we weren't talking.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled in a small voice. At first he didn't seem to flinch but I knew he had heard me. His hands tensed as if he flinched in pain. Making my heart drop. "I really am and I know that you don't like liars or people who hurt you or anything like that and-" I stopped when he started laughing. Then I turned bright red and tried to pull back from him. He gripped my hips, jerking me back to him. My hands flew out to land on his chest. He chuckled again.

"Clare I'm not mad at you." Spencer whispered. "I should be, but I can't be." He continued with a small smile. Then his face dropped. I gave him a small look. Not sure of what to say. "Derek's not very happy right now." Spencer said with a chuckle. I turned around a little to see Derek with his arms around Henry and a nasty glare on his face.

"I don't care, I just-" I paused.

"Want things to be normal." Spencer whispered and I shook my head. No I didn't. He stopped and looked down at me.

"I don't want things to go back to normal, I'm lonely when things are normal." I said shaking my head and clenching my hands. "I want-" I wasn't sure if I could say it. I then closed my eyes slowly. "I want this." I mumbled slightly. Spencer face lite up like a Christmas tree and turned red to match my blush which seemed very bright against my white dress.

"What?" He asked me, his voice shaking. I felt like I couldn't breath, but I also felt alright because it was Spencer.

"Jeez Spence." I mumbled to the point where it was barely audible, I then felt a sudden burst of adrenaline. "I-" Then I pulled his face down to mine, his lips tastes like mint and scared. I then pulled back from him with wide eyes and blinked. "Spence I'm sorry." Then he shook his head, a deep blush still on his face.

"N-no it's fine." He said and I smiled. Then looked over his shoulder. "Clare," Spencer said nodding his head to Derek who was scowling at us and I shook my head.

"Don't worry about him." I whispered grabbing his hand and walking next to Derek, Spencer was timid so I tried to be strong. "Derek." I said and he raised his eyebrows. "I like him and I think he likes me, so yes we're- to-together." I said strongly until I began stammering. Then Derek broke into a grin.

"Yeah I figured so." Derek said and I blinked at him. "I knew I wasn't gunna keep you two apart too long." I smiled while squeezing Spencer's hand.

"Yeah?" I said bitting my lip and leaning into him. Then I saw Rossi walking over with Hotch who had Henry and Jack. JJ came over holding Will's hand while Emily came close behind them. Garcia scurried up to us and I smiled at them all. Derek looked around at us all too, Spencer smiled slightly at JJ who rubbed his back.

"Yeah." Derek said and I looked around at them all. I was over joyed with them around me. This was my family now. I pulled my body to Spencer and he tossed an arm around my shoulder, his face close to my hair. I liked being close to him.

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A/N

Then end!!!!! I'm gunna cry!!! Thank you all for reading!!! I love you!!! Reid some of my other books my lovely Reiders!!!!

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