Loneliness| s.reid

23

Clare's POV

I sat under my desk for what seemed like hours. I assumed that everyone was still talking, what was there to talk about? We were being pulled apart.

"Hey," A faint voice said to me from above my desk. Then I saw the bright organs pumps that belonged to Garcia as she sat in my chair. "I know how you feel, they do this every few years though." She said and I felt my chest tighten. "No one ever leaves." She said and I nodded.

"I-I'll admit that I've got huge abandonment issues." I sniffled. "My parents left me on the door step of a church. I was only two month old." I whispered with tears escaping my eyes. She didn't say anything at first, she just sat there. "Where is everyone?" I managed to ask her changing the subject. Or at least trying to.

"Roaming around, it happens when this happens." She said and I nodded. She couldn't see me nodding but I did it as to reinsure myself. "Clare, no ones leaving." Garcia continued to me and I let out a soft breath.

"Everyone leaves." I whispered to myself and not to her. But I heard her sigh, she had heard me. It was true, the only person that ever didn't leave me was Derek. And even he wasn't always around, I had to move to be close to him. Everyone leaves.

"I'm telling you that no one leaves here." Garcia said to me then lifted from my chair. Then she left and all I heard was the sound of her heels clicking against the floor of the BAU. I was hoping that no one else found me down here, or that I would be okay to come out.

I didn't like abandonment, it was one of the only things that made me upset. That and canibalisum. I hated feeling like there was nothing I could do to keep the people I cared about together and safe, mostly if one of them didn't want to be there.

"Fuck." I heard a deep breath let out, it was a boy and I wasn't sure which one of the boys it was. "Clare?" Then I recognized the voice as Spencer's. I had never heard him swear before. Although I didn't like why he was swearing I liked the time that came with his voice. It was- it was attractive.

"Yeah?" I said in a small voice. I heard him let out a small sigh again. I bit my lip, I probably shouldn't have said that. Then he head popped down under the desk, so that he could see me curled into a ball.

"What are you doing down there?" He nearly let out a laugh. But looked over me and his face dropped. "Are you okay?" Spencer then asked me. I shrugged. Probably not.

"I don't know." I said in a small voice. "Spencer I don't know." I continued this time using his name to try and get him to go away. I didn't want to talk about this. I was never good talking about my feelings in person.

"Come on out," He said holding a hand out. I whipped my eyes quickly before grasping his hand. Spencer pulled me up carefully so I wouldn't hit my head. Sure my hands were shaking but he was trying to keep me still. "Better?" Spencer asked and I only shrugged. "I'm not leaving." He said and I rolled my eyes.

"Everyone leaves Spence." I whispered pulling from him. I sighed and looked down with my arms wrapped around my waist.

"Listen I told you that I wouldn't profile you a long time ago but that's what I'm doing right now. I know you have abandonment issues and I promised not to pry if you isn't tell me but I know that trust is a huge thing for you. And if us for me too. But right now I need you to listen to me. I am not leaving." Spencer rambled, I smiled and nodded slightly. I didn't want to lose him. I didn't want to lose this team.

"I'm fine." I said shaking my head and shoving something into my bag. "We're leaving in half an hour, lets go." I changed the subject, Spencer face dropped again.

"Coffee before we go?" Spencer asked me as he finally excepted that we were no longer talking about the possible dispersal of our team. I blinked while going to reach for my bag. "I've got it." He said quickly pulling the bag to his shoulder. I blinked with a pressed smile.

"Fine, but I'm paying for coffee." I said pointing at him, be broke into a grin while nodding. I liked that he could make me feel better, whether he was trying to or not.

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A/N

I did a thing.

.........

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