Everything You Never Knew : Secrets

Prologue

“Hello? Hello?” A distant voice vibrated through Rachel’s iPhone like an echo from deep within a desolate cave. Rachel Casper’s big, doe-brown eyes did not blink as they shifted downward, seeing nothing but taking in everything. Her fingertips felt cold and partially numb. A voice started to cry again. Was it her own, or did it belong to the person on the other end? Her head felt weightless, her thoughts detached and floating around aimlessly in the ether of her brain.

This can't be happening.

This can't be real.

After returning from the photo lab at her school where she had been developing pictures she’d taken earlier that day, Rachel's mind was focused only on the bag of pizza rolls in her freezer. She unlocked the door to her on-campus NYU apartment and tossed her school bags down on her couch. That’s when her iPhone rang. She rolled her eyes, annoyed at being deterred from those pizza rolls as she reached into the pocket of her NYU sweatshirt. The lovely, not so new-fangled invention of Caller ID told her the incoming call was from her Mother. Denise already called once that day and it drove Rachel nuts when her Mom called her repeatedly like this. She was a junior in college and it seemed like her Mom tried to smother her at times with her inability to let go. She loved her Mom very much but she was self-reliant now and didn’t need her Denise checking up on her to make sure she was keeping up with her busy schedule and staying afloat.

Rachel knew that wasn't entirely fair. After all, her Mom didn't really have anyone else she was that close to.

Rachel slid her shoes off as she clumsily pressed ‘Talk’ and held the phone to her ear. She was about to vocally greet her Mother with a purposely irritated tone when all she heard was the sound of sniffling. Immediately Rachel felt every muscle in her body tense up. Her first thought was that Samson, her old overweight black cat, had finally passed away. Samson meant a lot to her because she’d found him on the side of the road when she was only eight years old on their way home from Rachel’s father’s funeral. Due to her grieving, Rachel’s Mom was going through a bit of an eccentric phase at the time and seemed to think the cat was a gift from their father. Now the cat was an old man of thirteen and the past few years had lead him through a gradual change from an energetic, bird-killing guard-cat to a lazy, sunbathing lap-cat. It seemed like a definite sign that his time on earth was nearing its end.

With a sigh, Rachel sat down on the couch deciding to cut her Mom some slack as she adjusted the phone on her ear.

“Mom, what’s wrong?” Denise didn’t answer right away, she just kept on sniffling. Rachel pressed her lips together with increasing guilty for her initial reaction upon seeing her Mom on the caller ID.

“Ashley’s dead,” Rachel froze. There was no possible way she could have heard that correctly. Denise had to have meant Samson even if the name Samson sounded nothing like Ashley.

“Mom, what did you say?” Denise continued to cry.

“Ashley’s dead. Honey, there was a car accident.” There was no way Rachel misheard her mother that time. There was no way Denise could have said anything else. Rachel tensed and became still as a statue. Even the breath that was midway through her throat as she’d inhaled felt stuck there as it became a bubble she possibly could have choked on. Her hand twitched in protest of the freeze and the phone fell from Rachel's ear to the ground at her feet.

“Rachel, did you hear what I said?” Yes, Rachel heard, but there was no part of her that could currently process the words or what they could have meant. Ashley was Rachel’s best friend. No, she was more than that. The past few years it had been difficult for the girls to stay close. Rachel was in New York City going to college and Ashley was still stationed on the West Coast immersed in her singing career.

Dead?

No, she couldn't be. Ashley couldn't be dead.

This isn't real. This isn't real. This isn't real.

Especially since Rachel knew things about Ashley that other people didn’t. Especially since Ashley told her last month that sometimes she wished she could just close her eyes and never have to open them again. Rachel thought Ashley was just being dramatic and saying something irrational in the moment that she didn’t really mean.

You once told me all of your wishes were coming true.

This can't really be happening.

Its not happening, because you're not dead. You're just really hurt, but you'll be okay.

If Rachel left right now and took the next flight back to Los Angeles she could go see Ashley in the hospital. She'd have a long heart-to-heart with her beset friend. She'd remind her that they’re best friends and there was nothing she couldn’t tell her. She'd make sure Ashley knew she would always be there for her no matter how much their lives had changed and gone in separate directions. She could say everything to Ashley that she'd been holding in; feelings, apologies she knew she owed her friend, confessions, and more. She could be there for Ashley and they could get their friendship back on track, back to how it used to be.

You know what you heard.

But Denise didn’t say that Ashley was going to be okay, as much as Rachel wanted to believe she had. Rachel knew, with a sinking, heavy certainty that her Mom said Ashley was dead.