Everything You Never Knew : Secrets

Chapter 10

Rachel heard the house phone ring as she was getting dressed and her heart stopped for a second.

Oh god, I can’t deal with this.

The phone only rang once and then stopped. Maybe it was a wrong number. That was silly, her Mom probably just picked it up right away. Rachel’s hands shook as she fastened her bra and pulled a shirt over her head but her Mom didn’t call for her. Her heart was racing in her chest but Rachel took a few deep breaths to calm herself down. The anxiety she’d been under since that fatal phone call from her Mom telling her about Ashley was something she’d never really experienced before. Rachel could usually handle things with a pretty firm handle on herself but anxiety seemed to rule her life right now. It wasn’t even two full days ago that she’d received the call but it felt like a lifetime ago. Everything had changed. Just two days ago, she was carefree, going to classes, being involved with school.

School.

Crap. For the first time since that Rachel had left in a hurry, she realized she’d never emailed her professors or even told her roommate what was going on. She certainly wasn’t going to show up in class on Monday. Informing everyone seemed like such a chore. No, more like a burden, something to dread.

Rachel dried her wild dark curls as best as she could and tossed the towel on her bed. She didn’t care about little things like hanging her towel and robe right now. Should she hide in her room for the rest of the morning and read more of Ashley’s journal? She knew what was coming next. Ashley probably wrote all about how amazing it was to meet Jonathon. Then she’d probably write how amazing it was to be with Jonathon. Then she’d write about how she felt when he left her.

Rachel already knew how Ashley felt. Ashley worked so hard to become a carefree, happy, beautiful, innocent girl who was afraid of nothing. She'd come so far out of her shell, but when Jonathon left her it was like she took two giant steps back. She didn’t lose the comfort level she had gained while performing and interacting with her fans, but in every other way she crawled back inside of herself. No longer was love fascinating and wonderful. It was something to fear. Rachel watched Ashley try to deal with her heartbreak in a number of ways. At first she became quiet and depressed, but everyone forced her to get out of bed and continue with her life. She did so, but with reluctance, and her smiles became less and less genuine. Then she tried to force her heartbreak to seem insignificant by going on a dating-spree with other famous, available men, and that string of relationships always ended badly. About six months ago, she decided to stop trying to date altogether. She told Rachel that she wanted to put forth the image to younger girls that being single was a symbol of personal strength. She wanted them to know that a girl didn’t have to have a guy to complete her and they should be proud of who they are without needing a boyfriend to reassure them.

Rachel was never fully convinced, though. Ashley lived for love. Love is what drove and inspired her. Love was what most of her songs were about. Ashley was always filled with love and so eager to figure it all out. Love was what Ashley believed made the whole world turn, and suddenly changing from a person fascinated with the fantasy of love to a person obsessed with being a strong, independent single woman simply wasn't what the real Ashley was all about. Rachel hated Jonathon. This wasn’t a new feeling, she’d hated Jonathon ever since he broke Ashley’s heart. No, he did more than that. He took away her spirit and destroyed the things she believed in most. The worst part of it all was that he never even cared.

There’s nothing worse than crushing someone that way and going on with your life like you have nothing to be held responsible for. That’s what made a person truly despicable.

Rachel headed back toward the kitchen. She wasn’t hungry at all. The thought of food made her stomach churn, but she knew she should try to force food down her throat anyway. She needed the fuel for what was still to come.