Everything You Never Knew : Secrets

Chapter 6

How long had Rachel's car been parked in the driveway? A few minutes? A few hours? She'd gotten so lost in her memories that when she glanced out her car window the sky looked different than she'd remembered it only moments before. Her eyes shifted toward the passenger seat again. The box. Should she read the letter again? No, what was the point? Even thinking about reading the letter again made her chest tighten and her eyes sting. If she felt that way about the letter how was she supposed to read an entire journal filled with confessions of Ashley's profound secrets? Ashley wrote that letter as if she was doing Rachel a kindness, but now that she was gone forever, having to read it was a cruelty. What good were Ashley's secrets now? Did Rachel even want to go through with this? Maybe she should leave the time capsule exactly where it was and never read the journal freshly added inside. Maybe she should take the box with the letter in it and stuff it up into the attic. She should let it gather dust, and let spiders spin webs around it the same way Ashley had spun a web of deceit around the people she loved. Should Rachel honor what ended up being Ashley's last wishes or should she let her anger about Ashley's death consume her and erase Ashley from her life? After all, by dying, by being someone amazing to being nothing but a dead body, hadn't Ashley erased Rachel from hers?

That's not fair. Its not like Ashley killed herself. It was an accident.

Wasn't it?

Rachel had to find out what was in the journal. She might be furious right now but she knew that would fade. The anger would merge back into tears, and the tears would turn into regret if she didn't accept Ashley's last gift. She'd once promised Ashley that she'd be her best friend no matter what happened. Didn't that apply in death, too?

Rachel unbuckled her seat-belt and reached for the box in the passenger's seat, holding it to her chest once more as she pocketed her car keys and opened her door. Her legs felt a bit shaky as she stepped back out onto the pavement. Instead of heading for the house, she forced her feet toward the garage. She hadn't touched the shovel in years, not since her and Ashley dug the hole for the time capsule but if Ashley had dug it back up she'd probably used the same shovel. After all, the side door to Rachel's garage was never locked, her Mother was a trusting woman and she was never too worried about people breaking in. The actual house had an alarm system to be on the safe side, but Rachel knew her Mother never bothered to take full precautions with the garage.

Rachel grasped the door handle and pushed. It opened easily enough. The garage smelled damp and dusty like always. Rachel wrinkled her nose and stepped past the old lawn mower, the stash of various extra cleaning supplies and the old four-wheeler she hadn't ridden since her Father died before reaching the back wall. The shovel was where she remembered it to be. Was that fresh dirt clinging to its edges? Rachel felt her throat tighten again. Oh god, was it true then? Ashley used this very shovel to bury her last secrets? Rachel felt panic rise from her lower stomach and her body shuddered. She wanted to run. Instead she forced herself to lean forward and she moved her arm upward grabbing the old wooden handle and lifting it off of its hanging place. The shovel felt heavier than she remembered it to be, or maybe it was just her imagination.

Rachel left the garage and walked down the short but steep hill stepping underneath the porch. Her eyes immediately shifted to where they'd buried the time capsule. Sure enough it was easy to tell the ground had been disturbed, but that's only because she knew. No one else would notice the difference. Rachel shuddered again. She was terrified about what Ashley might have written. What if Rachel's attitude toward Ashley's past significant others was part of the reason Ashley was so discouraged by love? What if she only wanted to talk to Rachel about their feelings now because Rachel had made it impossible for Ashley to find love elsewhere? Rachel knew she should have been more supportive of Ashley's relationships. She'd tried to be. She'd smiled and encouraged and listened every time Ashley was seeing someone new. Well, almost every time.