Everything You Never Knew : Secrets

Chapter 2

The flight back to California felt endless. The higher the plane climbed the deeper the knot in the pit of Rachel’s stomach sank. Usually when she flew home it was for family holidays, and also to see Ashley if she was in town. Normally, Rachel tended to get excited as the plane drew closer to LAX. Her stomach would flutter and all these happy thoughts would begin to race through her head. She couldn't wait to tell Ashley about some college story, or she wanted to hear all the gossip about what was happening on Ashley’s tour. The girls would hide out in one of their houses and pretend like they were still freshman in high school and nothing had changed. They would bake cookies and watch old movies.

None of those things would ever happen again.

Rachel knew it would only hurt worse if she played Ashley’s albums on her iPod during the flight, but like a sadist she streamed the music anyway. She closed her eyes as her friend’s vocals and lyrics blasted through her Skull-candy ear buds. Ashley wrote her own songs. Sometimes she wrote them completely on her own and sometimes she wrote with co-writers but she was no sellout. She was referred to by the media at times as this decade’s Michelle Branch; young, honest, open and relatable. Rachel knew the story behind every single one of Ashley’s songs. She knew who they were about and what tales they told. Rachel was an eye-witness to many of the situations that inspired Ashley's writing, at least on her first album. Ashley was shy and awkward, but incredibly insightful and endlessly curious. Rachel always respected and admired Ashley for her honesty and sensitivity.

There would be no more songs written by Ashley Noelle.

Rachel turned off her iPod as she felt the plane start to descend. Only then did she consciously notice that tears had been pouring down her cheeks and soaking the front of her purple hoodie. She glanced out the window and shifted her gaze to the man squeezed into the seat beside her. He was middle-aged and had a crisp business suit hugging his large body. He’d been typing away on his laptop for most of the flight but Rachel paid him no mind. His laptop was now put away and he was staring straight ahead with a rigid, uncomfortable tight expression on his age-lined face. Was he an uneasy flier or was he simply uncomfortable sitting next to a girl that had been leaking tears for the past few hours? Probably both.

The flight touched down and the anvil that had been tugging Rachel’s stomach downward churned into nausea, not from the flight but from the realization that she was now back in LA and Ashley was still dead. She was here to support her Mother and Ashley's family; she was here to attend her best friend’s funeral. She began to lurch and covered her mouth. Her cheeks puffed out but no actual chunks crawled up her throat. Thank god. As soon as the seat-belt sign dinged the man next to her unsnapped his belt and practically flew to his feet. She watched blankly as he scrambled to the overhead bin and pulled out a Louis Vuitton duffel bag. Rachel didn’t bother trying to stand until the doors were open and the passengers began to pile out. She didn’t want to get off the plane. She didn’t want to make her way to baggage claim, and then out to her Mother’s car. How could she look her Mother in the eye? She would be no comfort to her Mother because she was not a pillar of strength herself right now. Rachel was the one that needed comfort. What she really needed was to understand but how could she ever? How could anyone understand why someone so talented, with so much depth and kindness, who touched the lives of so many people was suddenly gone forever?

Rachel waited until she was almost the last person left on the plane before she gathered her carry-on belongings and walked down the isle toward the exit. Her legs felt dead and heavy as she forced them to move forward. She knew her face was a mess and her hoodie was soaked but she couldn’t bring herself to care. With a heavy heart she plucked her iPhone out of her pocket and sent a text to her Mom to let her know she'd arrived.

'I’ve got the SUV, meet me by door 10'Rachel’s mother texted back. Rachel was surprised she could even drive right now but she didn’t dare let herself think about what Ashley's Mother, Rebecca must be feeling.